Discerning Love

 From my Journal  (11/27/2020)

Spending some time in the Word and with God this morning. Reading 1 Thessalonians, Colossians, and Philippians. This verse stood out:

And this is my prayer! That your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ. Philippians 1:9-11

To me, that passage says that the more we ask questions and grow in our knowledge of Christ, the more we dig into the Word, the more we will have an abounding love. I also love the word "discern"--having discernment is to show "good or outstanding judgment and understanding." The Bible may not always be explicitly clear and there are so many messages, but the more we stay within Christ, abide in Him--we will grow in love, discernment, insight, and knowledge. Develop insight and using discernment leads me to an uninhibited belief that Jesus truly loves us. This is why I do believe that black lives matter, why I do believe He gives everlasting grace, why I believe that His heart is one of justice, mercy, truth, and grace. And calls His followers to do the same. 

And Philippians 1:27a: Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ

And this: ...Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice." Philippians 4:8-9

What a reminder of strong encouragement of how to align ourselves with the one true, holy God. How to be holy, set apart from others, in a God-honoring way. Love, love, love, love. Love justly, love mercifully, love with plentiful grace. 

Anchored by Truth

My best friend semi-recently reminded me that there is a standard of truth and that immediately anchored me. Between her, the Bible, and prayer, I'm feeling significantly more assured and anchored than before I texted her. I'm also feeling a bit convicted and that's kind of uncomfortable. 

Essentially what happened is that I texted her and said: "I think I have a problem but I'm confused and not sure and want your insight/input" and she immediately called me. I'm not much of a phone talker and I didn't anticipate such a quick response, but it was really appreciated. I explained the presenting situation and as we talked it through, she seemingly casually said that we believe in a standard of truth. And I was like "Wait, wait, wait. Say that again. That's it. That's exactly it. What you just said, anchors me. There's a standard of truth." When I got lost in relativism, I legitimately get lost. There is no actual standard of truth in the world of relativism and it's confusing and illogical. It sounds nonjudgemental, but it's actually irrational. 

It's scary to be untethered or to feel like everything is relative and I had definitely been falling into that trap--that relativism is real and good, rather than a belief in Truth. There is truth, there is a standard, there is an anchor. And it's okay, good, and holy to stay anchored, stand firm to that. That Jesus is the way, the truth the life. He is the standard. He's what's good, what's holy, what's right, what's true. 

1 Peter 2:16-17: Live as free people do, but not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God's slaves. Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.

A couple days after I had this conversation, I spent some time with another Christian friend--what was going to be a two-minute wave hello ended up being a two hour bonding time (we tried to be safe in the midst of the pandemic! It's been several weeks and neither of have COVID, so I guess we did alright!) and I told her how much I needed more connection with Christians. She brought up a conversation about society, truth, the Bible, etc and it was closely related to some of my struggles, though she was much more anchored to her beliefs than I was--which was helpful, weird, and refreshing. That's exactly what I need; stronger anchors to the truth. The Truth; the truth in who Jesus is, what He's done, is doing, and will do. Infallible, everlasting, infinite, bigger than everything, wholly, intimate. 

A few days after that at church (online), I was reminded that when the Church has the courage to hold to biblical truth, things happen. And that when we're wrestling with our sin, that's not a bad place to be--we're responding to conviction. 

IDGAF

I told my best friend that the other day I had the STRONGEST urge to straight-up party in Vegas. I'm talking party Vegas style--loud music, grinding, making out with random guys, getting drunk, the works. 

It was SUPER weird, because none of that is remotely close to me or what I do in real life. Nor is it just real at all. So when I had this urge, I was 1-extremely confused; 2-a little embarrassed, 3-confused. So confused that it warranted being listed twice with different levels of severity. I didn't want to tell anyone, but I'm getting so much better at telling people things and reaching out when my thoughts get wild (this time, in the literal sense of wild, I guess). 

Anyways, we realized that it was more of the urge to truly not give a f*** about anything. She sent that to me and a hilarious gif, so I felt immediately better. 

It led to a good, deeper conversation about the weight of so many things and responsibilities we carry, especially in the midst of a pandemic. I am so grateful for real friendships. Where I can be real about my super weird (not real) desires (but feel so real) and we can laugh about it, get the deeper meaning, and have hilarious conversations that also have meaning. 

Side note--the other day someone at work randomly said, "Ashley, you seem to have a lot of friends." And I was like..."No...I don't..." And they said, "Well, you seem to have really good friends; every time you talk about someone in your life or your friends, you can tell that they are really good." So, that's cool :) 

Drawn To My Knees

I finished re-reading my favorite book, Redeeming Love. Every time I read it, I'm drawn to my knees. It's in a different place in the book nearly every time that happens and for various reasons of why. I wrote about my experience the first time I read it here. 

The beauty and majesty of God are breathtaking. To have a Lord that loves us the way He does, a God who pursues us, a Lamb that calls us, a Lion that roars for us, a Savior that redeems us over and over again, never forsakes us. That's the God I want people to know. He loves us, Oh how He loves us. 

Reflections of the Past Decade

I just had my 30th birthday! Sometimes I think "Holy geeze, that's old. I don't have many more years in life to live!" And other times, I'm like, "Actually, I'm still fairly young." Also, when I was 23, I was afraid my life would be over by age 30 (I wrote about it)! I still don't why I thought that, but I'm glad I recognized then that it was damaging!

I think about how much I've learned in 30 years. I went from being a completely dependent newborn, to learning all of the developmental milestones, going through educational milestones, and all fairly normal life things. I wrote this a few years ago. When I turned 20, I wanted the decade to be one spent loving people and loving Jesus. Certainly, that's how I want this decade to be too and for that, I am so grateful. 

I pushed myself hard in my 20s. I had a lot to learn about how to be gentle with myself, about the importance of rest, about how to give and receive grace. I couldn't have done all that I did in my twenties without pushing myself so hard and without my ridiculously high standards, and while I don't want to lose those aspects, I want to keep integrating the intertwining of rest, grace, gentleness, and patience. 

I hate how important it is to slow down, but I think that's one of the major things I learned. In 2013-2014 when I was going through my struggle with severe mTBI, it was the first time I was full-on confronted with the reality that I may not be able to as hard as I think I should at all times. Around this time last year, I received my results from a full neuropsychological evaluation. I was officially diagnosed with having seizures and the neuropsychologist basically said that if I don't take time to rest, my body will force me to do it and that'll be so much worse. And those who know me know I'm a hustler and how heartbroken I was over this realization.

I take great pride in how hard I work, in how many hours I'm willing to put in, in how much effort I'm willing to put forth. I have an incredibly strong work ethic. I have always been willing to work hard and am goal-oriented. I don't want those things to go away, but I now know that it really is okay to rest. It's okay to breathe, it's okay to step back, and it's okay to slow down. Not only is it okay, but it's also required. (Also, I'm actually really good at following doctor's orders, and since they told me I have to prioritize it, I have been.)

I've been spending some time looking back through my journal and through various blog posts. Having this blog (still hate that word) has been immensely helpful to document and reflect. It's neat to watch my journey throughout my twenties (I started this blog when I was 20). 

I also wrote this when I turned 20: I want to spend my twenties simply loving Jesus in the most passionate and powerful ways. I want people to feel joy, to feel loved, feel cherished, feel excited. Excited for their life, for the year, for the decade. 

As I go through back entries throughout this blog (feel free to do so if you want to see the journey or learn all about me in my 20s), I'm so glad that this last decade was not one without questions. I questioned my faith, I questioned Jesus, I questioned people. I did that as a teenager and I'm sure I did it in my formative years in an age-appropriate way as well. I have no doubt that this new decade will be the same. That I'll keep questioning and wrestling. What I keep finding is that questions are necessary. Doubts are okay. Whether they are doubts and questions about your faith, about people, the world, acknowledge them. I'm so grateful that I serve a God that lets me question and meets me where I am.  He's full of dichotomies and seemingly conflicting things, which makes Him that much more incredible and awe-inspiring. He's exclusive and inclusive. He's holy, just, merciful, and full of grace. He hates and He loves. He pursues and He waits. While I grapple and struggle, I keep coming back to the same conclusion that God is real, God is just, and God is good.

Another theme that was fairly consistent throughout the decade is my struggle with vulnerability and being enough. There is a world of difference of where I was to where I am now in these struggles. I am so glad I have come as far as I have with these two struggles, but I'm certain these will be lifelong struggles. These struggles led to so many other shameful things that nearly destroyed relationships and me. They are the root of my jealousy and pride. They are probably what helped me achieve so many things in my 20s, too. I'm still good at shutting down, I'm still good at pushing people away, and I'm still very prone to believing that I need to do more, be more, accomplish more, and if I don't, I'm not enough. But the amount of protective factors I have to be more resilient and not immediately fall prey to those beliefs is incredible.

The fourth theme is my recognition of how necessary relationships are. We need relationships to survive; we are created for connection. At my core, I'm a huge introvert and am an internal processer. People exhaust me and the amount of time and energy it takes to invest in a relationship often doesn't feel like it's worth it. I don't like doing things unless it's a sure thing. (Refer back to the struggle with vulnerability.) This theme is probably the one that I'll be focusing more on in this next decade. It seems to tie the other themes together. And it's the one I still struggle the most with. I still close off really quickly and I still have walls. I still don't want to risk getting hurt and I still would rather believe the lie that I can do life alone. But the relationships I've made in this past decade, some that sustained and some that ended, have shown me how necessary and critical connection and relationships are.

I have learned how important safe people are and how to cultivate relationships. I am still learning how to really do this and what it looks like. I like to stay in the comfort of fun, surface-level relationships, and I have found those relationships are also meaningful. I always believed that people mattered, but I didn't really believe that people had to matter to me. Meaning, I didn't really believe that me having relationships with people was truly necessary. I've started learning and experiencing life-giving relationships. I was never opposed to having relationships, I just didn't see the real need for them, other than "fun." But I believe now that they aren't just important, but crucial. And in order to have them, I have to be willing to take chances, I have to be vulnerable, I have to be brave, and I have to be ready to hurt and be scared. All relationships, at every level, require some element of this. 

What I wrote when I was 20 is still true, but I think it takes a deeper, more real meaning looking into the next decade. I want to spend my thirties in awe of Christ and connecting to people. I want to rest, breathe, ask questions, wrestle, doubt, have safe people, be brave, be vulnerable, and cultivate healthy relationships. I want to display the fruits of the Spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. I want to give myself grace when I don't display those fruits. I want to keep Jesus as my foundation and I want to believe in the goodness of people. I want to remember that I'm worth it and that other people are worth it. Worth the investment, time, energy, and potential hurt. And it's still okay to take time to process, to be by myself, and to go slow. 

Praise Your Name--

I’m gonna push through ‘til every lie crumbles I’m gonna dance in the midst of the rain I’m gonna rest in the arms of the Father I’m gonna praise, I’m gonna praise Your name

Mad With Integrity

The other day I was really frustrated with someone. I texted my best friend "I. Do. Not. Like. [NAME]." My best friend called me later and was like, "Soo...what happened? You're not generally a mean person and don't just sit around thinking how much you don't like someone, so I'm assuming something in particular happened." 

And before I go into this story, 1-I am so grateful to have someone I can text that to and trust they won't think I'm a horrible person or that I'm mean or being overly dramatic. 2-I am so grateful that they can help me focus on the current situation at hand. 3-I am so grateful that I don't typically get consumed by my feelings in a way that I'd be someone that would just sit and think about how much I don't like someone. 

Anyways, so I tell them the situation and while I don't remember the specifics of the conversation, I know I didn't leave the conversation feeling more riled up. I remember feeling justified, validated, grateful, and humbled. 

So besides the fact that I have a great best friend that has learned to converse with me in a way that is helpful, I was thinking about my frustration toward this particular person and started reflecting. While I am convinced that I'm right,  I am also convinced that they deserve to be treated with dignity. That I can feel angry, hurt, mad, frustrated with them (it's an ongoing feeling with this person), it's also possible to feel all of those with integrity. It's not always quite as fulfilling at the moment, but it's more worthwhile. 

So while I may still text or tell my safe people my frustrations/anger/hurt/discontent and maybe explicitly directed at a particular person or situation, I want to keep learning how to feel those things while still honoring them. Ultimately, it's because of my relationship with Christ that rolls over and anchors me. He anchors me to stay rooted in grace, patience, love, peace, goodness. 

It doesn't mean I can't be mad or upset or hurt or angry. Feelings are so important. And I want to have those feelings while maintaining my integrity. I may fall apart or come unglued with my safe people, but I don't want to take part in gossip, rumors, or hurtfulness. And sometimes it's hard when someone is nonsensical and it can be justified to partake in those things. But it's not the right thing to do. Maintain your integrity. And when you lose it, give yourself some grace. 

Discomfort

To start: This story is not just about me; it's about another human being. However, the way it is written is about me--I recognize that this is about me, and that's the point. It's about me being white and using that to point something out to my other friends who are white if it can help. I rarely tell actual stories about myself or things that I've experienced--I've never been a big storyteller nor am I one that enjoys sharing about my life. So I might be wrong about this AND I've shared a story about myself for no reason, so that's cool....anyways, here we go! (Also, it reminds me of the time I wrote about the first time someone intentionally came out to me. You can read about that here.)

I remember when I was in an interracial relationship and it was the first time I ever felt uncomfortable in the middle of the day. Not because of him, not because of us being together, not because of our relationship. But because it was the first time I indirectly experienced the discomfort that my black boyfriend felt. I didn't experience it in the same way; I didn't experience it any other way other than being a privileged white person. I don't say that in a demeaning way about those of us who are white, it's just something I've come to really learn--white people are privileged and that was my first actual exposure to truly experiencing white privilege. And it was so uncomfortable.

It's uncomfortable to recognize that so much of the world thinks you actually are better than the person's hand you're holding because you're white. It's uncomfortable to recognize that so much of the world make immediate assumptions about your relationship, you, and your partner. It's uncomfortable to get unwanted attention because there are only two of you at a table, and you two don't look the same. It's uncomfortable standing in line and having people give sneering gestures. It's uncomfortable to recognize that the world isn't always wonderful and great and kind. It's uncomfortable to be put face to face with your own privilege. A lot of things were uncomfortable that literally never occurred to me when he and I talked about formally dating. All I knew was that I liked him and he liked me.

When we would go out, heads turned. And not because we were a good looking couple (I mean, maybe that was part of it 😀), but you could start to hear the whispers, seeing the raised eyebrows, the puzzled faces (I have face blindness, and even I could tell). I don't even remember experiencing gossip in high school (then again, I'm typically completely oblivious to things), and I hadn't ever really experienced this idea of people disapproving of something I'm doing.

I had people ask me why I'm dating someone who is black (number 1 question, for sure). I had people be significantly more concerned with his skin color than the content of his character. I had people straight up tell me how much they disapproved and how I wasn't doing the right thing. I had people invite me to something and say he shouldn't come.

I was confused, but not about my feelings--I knew I wasn't in the wrong. I knew that I was dating a phenomenal guy who loved Jesus and cared about me. I was so confused about the dissonance I was experiencing that people are good, the world is good, and yet, people are kind of mean, rude, and judgy. Where did all of these people come from?!? Where did these beliefs come from?! Many of these questions came from people in my life, most of them who I would never think to describe as "racist". Some of them came from strangers. I was just so confused with the upfront confrontation of my worldview and what was actually happening.

I think some of it really did come from people not having a ton of exposure to interracial relationships, but I really couldn't get over the looks we got, the whisperings around us, the direct comments, and the overall discomfort.

I'm re-reading this and I'm thinking good gravy you have a lot of privilege...maybe tone it down. But that's the point. I have a ton of privilege and I'm going to use that to drive home the point that for the love of all that is holy, BLACK LIVES MATTER. 

I am not better than him because I'm white. I was better than him at making jokes up. He was better than me when it came to running. We were better in normal relational ways, not because of our race. But neither of us were colorblind, neither of us dismissed the experiences the other had. The difference is that I hadn't ever experienced racial comments and he had. I hadn't ever experienced so many things that I had than when we were dating and I haven't ever since we broke up. I only experienced those things because I was dating someone who was black.

I already believed he mattered before these experiences. What I didn't understand is that white privilege is a real thing. What I didn't understand is that there is an actual difference in how people are treated depending on their skin color. I don't know what/how he experienced (in) the relationship, with the exceptions of having some discussions. I don't know about the experience of being someone of color. I don't think I needed to be in that relationship to learn those things, and I don't even think I'd say that I learned these while in the relationship. This experience helped me, but I didn't need it to grasp the fact that BLACK LIVES MATTER. It wasn't his responsibility to teach me that.

One of my biggest regrets in my life (I'm a person of many regrets, by the way) is that I was too uncomfortable to really have too many conversations with him about it. (By the way, that's another example of white privilege.) I was a newbie at so many things with him and I am HORRENDOUSLY AWFUL at vulnerability. We had some conversations, but with the information that I have now, and from what I've learned since about white privilege, I know I could have done so much more.

I remember how utterly sad I was when people who were important in my life weren't glad that I was dating him, who they would ecstatic about if he was white. I was so sad.  I experienced so much discomfort, confusion, conflict, sadness, and cognitive dissonance. And I think a lot of people experienced the same when they saw us together. When you see an interracial couple, you're immediately confronted with your own beliefs and thoughts. And everyone processed it differently. 

I did see many people (slowly) come around to the idea that maybe he did matter, even though he was black. I saw some people come around to it (slowly) solely because they cared about me and at the time, that was enough for them to start to reshape their thinking. 

Friends, black lives matter. And it's a really uncomfortable journey to process through confusing feelings, cognitive dissonances, hurts, belief systems. But it's so worth it. It's so worth the discomfort to come to the beautiful and holy conclusion that black lives matter. I got to see some people start on that journey. Talk to people in grace and truth and humility. It takes a lot of uncomfortable conversations and a lot of vulnerability and hard feelings to feel. Wade through it, find safe people to process through, and with some dialectical thinking, start thinking about the idea that black lives matter. 

Too Scared to Feel Scared

I'm too scared to feel scared. And this is why you remind me of who you are. That no matter what, there is peace with you. Vulnerability is the birthplace of joy. And you have to experience it for realness--for real connection and belonging. But I don't think I'm ready.

No one's ever ready. You just have to do it. Jump. Leap. Have faith. And even if a person doesn't respond how you wanted, know that I am so proud of you. I'm enough for you, Ashley. You keep trying to find your worth in people and achievements even though you know you won't get it there. Logic isn't your issue. You have the logic. Right now, you don't need more apologetics, more "cases", more evidence. You have all of that. What you still lack is the part of the unbelief. The part that can't be entirely explained. The part that just requires faith, vulnerability. The part that requires you to feel scared. Even though you believe in me (and your friends), even though you know me to be who I say I am, even though you know and believe, trust is still so hard. I had to give you some kind of struggle :). 

I will never let you fall or leave you. Trust. Have faith, dear one. You have enough logic. Your mind is sharp. Let yourself feel vulnerable emotions. Feelings are okay. Feel scared. Feel jealous. Feel upset. Feel hurt. Feel inadequate. Feel worried. Feel them. And you'll see that I'm there too. You'll see that I'm always there. You'll see that those feelings are okay and then we can leave them--just because I want you to feel them doesn't mean I want you stuck in them. So don't stay, but experience them. And know that I'm experiencing them too. 

How is that we serve a God that meets us where we are? How is that we have a God that tells me these things? God is full of grace, mercy, accountability, kindness, and so much more. He wants us to feel and doesn't dismiss heartache and feeling scared, feeling jealous, feeling inadequate, and feeling a whole host of other emotions that we don't want to. He invites us into it and meets us there.

Restoration

I have been struggling with some things and started really journaling about it. I acknowledged where I was at. And it led to the question of who I wanted to be and more importantly, it led to open dialogue with God. Below is an excerpt from my journal, a written document of prayer. It's what is leading towards restoration that I didn't even realize I needed. I also just heard this song for the first time ("Holy One" by Rush of Fools):

I want to be a woman of grace and truth. A woman who shows accountability, empathy, and compassion to herself and others. I want to be a supportive friend and leader. I want to be a woman of strength, dignity, integrity, and courage. I want to be a woman that inspires greatness. I want to be holy--set apart--and wholly in Christ. I want to be dedicated to what I do--effective, efficient, precise, knowledgeable. I want to conduct myself in a manner worthy of the gospel. I want to remember that I'm not the goal--Jesus is. I want to align myself with the Lord, to bow to Him.

I am His daughter and He loves me through it all. Through it all, He loves me. Ashley, Jesus loves you, and is there for you. He desires you, He died for you. He is your purpose. He is your rest, He is your light. 

Ashley, my beautiful daughter. You're chasing the world again. That's why you're tired. My loved one, abide in me. Let me be your strength, your core. It's not about what you can do but what I can do in you. I love you, always. I know you love me. Trust in me. I won't ever let you go. 

What if you do let me go? What if I get too caught up? What if I doubt too much? What if I ask too many questions?

Oh, Ashley. Sweet one. You know all of these answers. Romans 8:38-39: "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

You are Lord. I am. You are God. I am. You are worthy. I am. You are what I want to pursue. I am. You are good. I am. You are my purpose. I am. You are the I AM. I am. You love me, always. I do. You gently call me out and extend mercy. I do. What I want is who you are. Galatians 5:22: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control."

Ephesians 3:17b-19: "And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. And to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

Ashley, I know you love me. I know your heart. I know you more than you know yourself. And I love you so much more than you can ever know. You are my child and I'm never letting you go. Your name is written in my book. You are so worthy, so cherished. You are never alone, you are never forgotten. Nothing you can do can unravel the love I have for you. Even if, even when. Fill it in however you need and the answer remains. I am the Lord your God and I love you. Neverending grace, neverending truth. The God Almighty, the Great I AM chooses you over and over and over and over again. Always and forever, you are mine. 

Forever and ever, I am yours. I struggle, I doubt, I fight, I give up, I give in. And you still lift me up, hold me, love me, choose me. You will never forsake me. You will never leave me. You will never let me go. You are the I AM. 

I am still going to struggle. I know. Why do I have so many questions? Because I made you smart. Why do you love me so? Because I do. You and the entire world, all of creation, I love. Don't ever give up on people. And when you do, come to me. That includes when you give up on yourself. Find your strength in me. I'll always restore you. I won't leave you dry. Place your confidence in me. I love you so much, my child. Forever and ever; always and infinity. I am yours and you are mine. 

I am loved. Father, I am loved by you. My fear is gone, I am set free. 'Cause I am your child and that's all that matters. 

Still Learning

I still have so much to learn. The more I learn, the more I learn how much more there is to learn. One word that I keep thinking about is this word of privilege. I have so much privilege. I'm constantly amazed at how much privilege I have and more and more feel the responsibility to use my privilege. Having privilege means I get to choose whether I want to do anything about my privilege. I don't always know how to, but I know I want to. It's in the small things, it's in the big things, it's in the day to day things (side note: I now have Chumbawumba stuck in my head).

I'm grateful for social media to be used to share amazing and wonderful things that happen throughout the world. I'm also grateful for social media to be used to share horrific and tragic events. It was largely through social media that I started reflecting about having white privilege. I was introduced to it in school and really got to dig deeper through journaling and friendships and real conversations. But social media is what was woven throughout. And social media is what helps shine a spotlight on injustices.

There are so many injustices in the world and one of them is that so often black lives are deemed as less worthy. My friends, black lives? They matter.

Pandemic

It feels so dramatic to use that word, pandemic. But that's the actual word. That is what is happening right now; the entire world is facing a pandemic of COVID-19. The. Entire. World. I was looking at my URL of this blog, dearworld-ily (Dear world, I love you) and I took a pause and I reflected. Dear World, I love you. 

Dear World, you are loved. Dear World, not just a part of you is facing the pandemic, but all of you. It's so fascinating because this virus spreads through one of the ways that human beings thrive: connection. Because humans are so connected, this virus spread and caused a pandemic throughout the world largely because people are social beings. Because of things like globalization, world travel, hugs, handshakes. Because people literally are together, a pandemic has spread across the world quickly. 

We have now learned that "social distancing" is one of the most effective ways to slow the pandemic, however, I think I prefer the term "physical distancing". We still need socialization, we still need people, we still need connection. We really need connection. And this is coming from a strong introvert that has no problem of going days without interacting with people. But I know we need connection. I know we need each other. It is important for those who can stay physically away from others do. There are many professions, including mine, that literally can't right now. It's also important that everyone still connects. 

Show the world that you love it. Dear World, we love you. 

2020: Vision

2015: Relentless
2016: Intentional
2017: Growth
2018: Enough
2019: Focus
2020: Vision


I love puns and regular/normal things, so the word "vision" was the most natural word for the new decade, 2020.

This year is focusing on producing and inspiring a vision, particularly at work. To connect the program to the overall mission and vision of the agency and to strengthen connections within and outside of the program. To look several years down the line of where we can grow toward and set goals along the way. As noted in the previous post, leadership is incredibly important to me and part of being a great leader is being able to have a vision and make it real.

Within myself, it's not to not lose sight of the vision in the midst of the hardships. To remain steadfast and endure, while pursuing the vision; keeping the vision within sight. A large part of my vision in life is to uplift others--and ultimately Jesus. I want people to light up when they think about me and to see Jesus reflected through me. I want people to be glad they know me; glad they work with/for me; glad to see me. I want to be proud of myself. I want to be known as a great leader, friend, person, strong Christ follower.

I have a vision and I'm creating a plan to make it real.