I have identified nuance and curiosity as the pillars of discernment, particularly as I go into the year. I reached out to one of my favorite persons a while back and said I wanted to start talking about politics with them. They are someone I not only love so dearly, but also are so thoughtful, kind, and smart!
I've also been mulling over the thought I don't know that we can legislate nuance. I kind of wonder if that's what America (the world?) has been trying to do with so many things. Not just in laws and policies, but in the workplace as well. Any and all areas of our lives, actually. I've also thought about how when something isn't talked about, we don't have to be confronted with thinking about it. In essence--we can avoid the nuance. We don't have to be curious. But when things are talked about--such as legislative and political ideologies--it forces people to feel like they have to take a strong position.
And I've been thinking more and more about how much more difficult it is to try to avoid the nuance--and to not recognize the scope of so many policies at micro, mezzo, and macro level at so many junctures is unwise. And taking a firm stance without curiosity is dangerous. I suppose some could take the stance that taking a "weak" stance is just as dangerous--but I don't think it's weak. I think it's...well, using discernment with the guiding lights of nuance and curiosity. It's being willing to traverse the nuance; live in the tension. Be in the colorful world of dichotomies. It's both/and, not either/or. And it's CONFUSING and it can lead to cognitive dissonance. Also, this isn't to say to NOT take a stance. It's just to understand how you got to that stance and to understand why not another one. As The Pour Over wrote, "it's easy to become angry and indignant over world events, but much more difficult to live with the tension of desiring change while simultaneously loving everyone involved. Followers of Christ are called to live in that tension..."
What I think is more important than WHAT decision someone has arrived at is HOW did you get to that decision? Why not another decision? What would it be like for you to be on the other side? For me, if I notice I get immediately judgemental about "being on the other side" (E.g. How could they think that?! They are so dumb. I can't believe they would think that's a good idea.), I've learned that the feeling is actually, more likely, scared. And then I can explore that. Why am I scared of that? What am I scared of? What's that like? Recognizing the nuances and then getting curious is crucial (and awkward and hard and brave).
Adam Grant and Brene Brown are two of my absolute favorite thought leaders and leadership examples (of people I don't know but so want to), especially surrounding these ideas.
As Adam Grant says in Think Again, "I need time for my confusion. Confusion can be a cue that there's new territory to be explored or a fresh puzzle to be solved." And Brene Brown writes (Atlas of the Heart), "...but with curiosity, we've acknowledged a gap in what we know or understand, and our heart and head are both invested in closing that gap...choosing to be curious is choosing to be vulnerable because it requires us to surrender to uncertainty. We have to ask questions, admit to not knowing, risk being told that we shouldn't be asking, and, sometimes, make discoveries that lead to discomfort."
And Brene and Adam both remind us that "as consumers of information, we have a role to play in embracing a more nuanced point of view....there's nothing more limiting than tapping out of tension and oversimplifying the thoughts and feelings that have the power to help us understand who we are and what we need."
Regarding cognitive dissonance, I remember when I first learned that term and I was awestruck. Cognitive dissonance is "a state of tension that occurs when a person holds two cognitions (ideas, attitudes, beliefs, opinions) that are psychologically inconsistent with each other." Again, with the word tension. Again, with the nuance. And again, with the need for discernment and safety and grace and truth.
I love the way Brene Brown writes about dissonance: "Dissonance is disquieting because to hold two ideas that contradict each other is to flirt with absurdity....in these challenging moments of dissonance, we need to stay curious and resist choosing comfort over courage. It's brave to invite new information to the table, to sit with it and hear it out. It's also rare these days." AND THEN SHE QUOTES ADAM GRANT(!!) who wrote, "Intelligence is traditionally viewed as the ability to think and learn. Yet in a turbulent world, there's another set of cognitive skills that might matter more: the ability to rethink and relearn".
Brene Brown also talks about the word "paradox" and apparently the Latin term paradoxum means "seemingly absurd but really true" and that "embracing the paradox teaches us how to think deeper and with more complexity...it moves us away from oversimplifying how systems, organizations, and humans work.
(Seriously, this post didn't mean to be a plug for them, but they really are brilliant and thoughtful. And seem like amazing human beings. Who I want to know.) (Also, I started writing this BEFORE I read her book and had only barely started reading Adam's. It just all lines up so well. Also, can this mean I'm brilliant and thoughtful since my thoughts were in alignment with theirs? Jokes. But I do aspire to be more like them. But myself. Okay, I'm totally digressing.)
The point is. Navigating the tension of nuance by being curious can lead to being discerning. There is so much I don't know and the more I learn, the more I learn how much I don't know. And, beyond that, the more I think about various topics (especially pertaining to politics, policies, and laws), the more I'm like...I don't know. But I want to keep traversing, keep wading into the tension, and keep learning with safe people so I can better discern what's the most right. It doesn't mean I am right, but it's that I better understand where I'm landing for now. And that helps me stay curious when other people are landing in a different spot.
