Wednesday, July 23, 2014

One year

The night of July 23/morning of July 24 (around 4:30am) one year ago is when I incurred my concussion. The last month or so, I've been trying to calm my body down. It's like it knows what happened and that it's the "anniversary". I haven't been sleeping as great, getting a little more "on edge", and just feeling like...tense about it.The night just like..invades my thoughts. I've been trying to figure out how to prepare, because the date has just been ingrained into my head.

Tonight, I'm having major flashbacks. I keep replaying last year in my head over and over and over again. This isn't the first time I've had these, but they are more "real" this time. It's just like recurring, all the time.

It doesn't help that tonight started the same way. Last year, I got home exhausted on July 23 and crashed as soon as I got home, around 7pm. And then woke up a few hours later. And then went back to bed and then woke up again at 4:30am, sweaty and disoriented, barely made it to the kitchen, where I passed out unconscious and knocked my head and got a severe mTBI.

Tonight, July 23, I got home and fell asleep by 7:30pm. It's almost 10 and I just woke up. It's like the exact same thing and it's scaring me. I'm in the same house, in the same bed, same room. No one is home. Just like last year. I probably should have asked to stay with someone or someone to stay with me tonight. Because I'm terrified, right now. I don't want to be here, right now. And I'm crying. And I'm sweating.

I've set up a bunch of water in my room and I'll get more, just in case. And I turned the air down. And I've texted a few people just saying hey, it's been a year i'm having some flashbacks, basically. I'm hoping all of those things will help. And I'm writing about it, here. It's helping. (Ha, one of my best friends just texted me ":( maybe try writing about it?") They know me well.