I want to be a good friend to people. It just takes so much work. I really do try, I just feel like I fail at it a lot. I'm going to start gathering data on being a good friend vs. not and better identify how to do it. Maybe if I quantify it, it'll be easier. If I have rules to follow. I really want to be a good friend, for people to enjoy being my friend, have fun spending time with me, feel truly heard and listened to, and to also feel guided morally and know I'll have a firm grasp of right/wrong. I want to handle difficult situation with grace, for people to want to tell me hard things and trust I'll still love them through the messiness, yet gently confront when needed. Being good at what I do is really important to me and that includes friendship.
[Excerpt from my journal, 8/2/18]
Monday, September 10, 2018
Monday, September 3, 2018
Grace and Truth
Grace and truth. Two such beautiful words and words that if we're not careful, can overshadow the other. Somebody who I fully trust to call me out, gently did so the other day. She artfully delivered truth with grace, telling me that I sometimes overemphasize truth and leave out the grace. And she's totally right. I get so focused on justice, rules, what is right and what is wrong, that I react really strongly to when I think something is wrong and leave out the grace.
I wrote in my journal awhile back that sometimes kindness is easy, but I'm tired of letting kindness win. I need justice to win, I need to know that there is a right/wrong. I don't want to be kind when I can be right. I want people to do what is right and to know how strongly I feel about that. So much so that I do the wrong thing.
I want to be someone who people can trust to be a moral compass, to make the right decisions, to be just, to be ethical, to follow the rules, and do the right thing. Sometimes I fear that if I'm too kind, too merciful, people will think I don't take a situation seriously, or that I care more about being nice than I do what's right, so I error on the side of truth. Grace without truth leads to people doing whatever they want. Truth without grace leads to too many rules and rebellion. It's not really a balance of grace and truth that I need, as much as it is an integration. Lead, love, and have relationships with grace, while never compromising truth.
One of my favorite things about genuine conversations is that they always push me to worship. They guide me to His feet, letting me settle and rest, and wrestle, and cry, and sing, and figure things out as they align with my God.
I wrote in my journal awhile back that sometimes kindness is easy, but I'm tired of letting kindness win. I need justice to win, I need to know that there is a right/wrong. I don't want to be kind when I can be right. I want people to do what is right and to know how strongly I feel about that. So much so that I do the wrong thing.
I want to be someone who people can trust to be a moral compass, to make the right decisions, to be just, to be ethical, to follow the rules, and do the right thing. Sometimes I fear that if I'm too kind, too merciful, people will think I don't take a situation seriously, or that I care more about being nice than I do what's right, so I error on the side of truth. Grace without truth leads to people doing whatever they want. Truth without grace leads to too many rules and rebellion. It's not really a balance of grace and truth that I need, as much as it is an integration. Lead, love, and have relationships with grace, while never compromising truth.
One of my favorite things about genuine conversations is that they always push me to worship. They guide me to His feet, letting me settle and rest, and wrestle, and cry, and sing, and figure things out as they align with my God.
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