I stumbled upon this post that I wrote over six years ago about what I would want to do if I couldn't fail; if I were really dreaming. I wrote it before I graduated with my MSW. I wrote it before I had ever heard of the organization I have been working for. And I wrote it in the midst of my serious concussion.
I said I wanted to apply for a Ph.D. program, possibly in Organizational Psychology. I said I wanted to adjust systems to better serve people. I said I wanted to facilitate group therapy and do individual counseling.
I am currently ABD in a Ph.D. program that emphasizes Industrial/Organizational Psychology. I facilitated group therapy and have been an individual therapist. I have been a clinical supervisor in the case management program and am now the director and have much more of an opportunity to adjust systems to better serve people.
I remember when I was in my MSW program and I was so torn between the two tracks we could choose from--clinical or administration. I chose clinical, but I always hoped I'd go more into administration. After doing direct service for a few years, I was able to move more into leadership.
And I have found how much I love leadership. I absolutely love it and still get so scared of it at the same time. The weight of leadership gets so heavy sometimes. I often reflect on how important my role is as a leader--in such a different way than it was as a therapist. Being charged with guiding people; with supporting them and coaching them; holding others (and myself) accountable; setting appropriate boundaries and consistently modeling for people. With an understanding that people are watching me and listening to me; they see my actions and hear my words and they are being watched and heard much more closely than if I weren't a leader. In my new role, I'm charged with upholding the vision and mission for our department and with aligning it with our organization.
Being a true leader means taking the role of a leader seriously. It means laying yourself down for your team. It means choosing courage over comfort. It means having integrity in my words and actions. It means constant growth. It means failure. It means creating opportunities for growth for people. It means coaching people toward excellence, while not driving them toward unobtainable perfectionism. It means setting a high bar and having high expectations and it means extending grace in conversations while not lowering the standard. It means creating a safe space for people and being trustworthy and honorable. It means being curious and seeking to build and create knowledge. It means wading through tumultuous waters and not leaving your team to fend for themselves. It means sacrificial, agape love.
It means constantly wrestling with the question of what is a leader and growing with the answers. I feel the weight and I feel humbled.
