Freud!

I chose to do this again! Click here for the original one!

Freud is a hoot. He's a whacky dude with horrible writing skills (Have you read Civilization and its Discontents?!) and fascinating ideas. In my Social Psychology class, we did a projection test and we're going to try it here so you can do it too, if you'd like. Freud is all about the unconscious and tapping into it, and that's precisely what this test aims to do.

How To Do It
1. Get comfortable. Lay down, close your eyes, kick off your (Sunday) shoes, whatever you need to do.
2. Breathe deeply. In..out..in...out
3. Focus on your breathing...breathe and relax for like 5 minutes.
4. Picture yourself on a cloud..a very light, fluffy, and comfortable cloud.
5. You're entering a new land...what does the land look like?
6. Get off the cloud and keep moving forward until you run into water--it can be any kind of water. What kind of water is it?
7. Continue to go forward until you see an animal. Describe the animal.
8. Keep going until you see a structure. What kind of structure is it? Describe it.
9. Continue forward..you see an object ahead. Again, you see an object ahead. It's a special object--what is it?



New Land

• What I saw: Marsh, kind of swampy, lot of dead grass, could be cool, but not really. 
• Freud says: Summation of current life...what I saw resembles my life now. 
• What that might mean (My interpretation with Freud's ideas): Ha, um. Life could be seen as cool, but it's not really. There is a lot of room to move about, but in no way is it actual growth. And if I stay too long I could get stuck (like swampy...)

Water

• What I saw: The marsh...so it was like damp and mushy, but not like a pond. There wasn't actual water, but could flood...
• Freud says: It resembles sex
• What It might mean: Not as insightful as my first time doing this! I guess it is..um. So basically the sex isn't happening but when it does, it..will. Hahaha. Hashtag married life. 

Animal

• What I saw: Zebra..wild, free, well groomed 
• Freud says: This is my alter ego
• What it might mean: Yay!!!

Structure 

• What I saw: A dilapidated shack with nothing around it. I tried to look for a different structure, but that was it. It was broken down.  
• Freud says: How I feel about society and my place in it.
• What it might mean: Wow, my views of the world have changed significantly. So...feeling like there's nothing that can be done, feeling alone, feeling like no point in fighting. Feeling like society is broken and unfixable. 

Special Object

• What I saw: An abstract piece of art. 
• Freud says: Resembles a future...could be mine or somebody else's, but usually your own. 
• What it might mean: Um..can't figure it out? Looks purposeless...like a waste of time.

Anyhoo, that is me, according to Freud round two. 

College Ashley was way more excited about her future that's for sure...

Love(ly): Come Here

Love(ly): Come Here: Come here. You. Stop. And come here.  I serve a God who tells me that every single day. We are called and summoned to come to the King. ...

Lies and Truths

Copied from Saturday, March 26, 2011 blog

Take me as you find me, all my fears and failures.


I am not perfect. I have fears and failures. I mess up, I listen to lies instead of truth sometimes.

Lie 1.
I am what I do, what I have, and what others say about me.

Lie 2.
My value is based on my performance.

Lie 3.
I have to be perfect.

And then I remember. Jesus will meet me right where I am at. He will take me as I am. With ALL of my screw ups. With ALL of my sin. With ALL of YOUR sin.


Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save
Forever, Author of Salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave


Truth 1.
My identity is completely found in Christ.

Truth 2. 
Performance ≠ Value


Truth 3.
My God is perfect and Jesus paid it all when he died on the cross.

God's pursuit of me, of you, of us, is relentless, passionate, and purposeful.
He rejoices in our accomplishments, holds us in our brokenness, and empowers us in our inadequacies.  

Relentless

Relentless is my word of the year and it came from this song. God/Abba/Yahweh won't relent until He has it all. He passionately pursues us. He is relentless. His love is relentless.

And I will set Him as a seal. A seal is designed to join two things together to prevent them from coming apart or prevent anything from passing between them. Nothing separates us from the King, because Jesus changed everything.

I'm in constant awe of His glory and beauty and the fact that He desires me and died for me. And then conquered death and rose again. Hashtag that's my Jesus.

You won't relent until You have it all. 
My heart is yours. 

Come As You Are

I have been hooked onto this song for the past few weeks... "Come As You Are" by David Crowder Band.

Come out of sadness, wherever you've been...

...Lay down your burdens, lay down your shame

All who are broken, lift up your face.

Oh wanderer, come home

You're not too far. 

So lay down your hurt, lay down your heart

Come as you are.

It's such a beautiful reminder of the grace and love and forgiveness that Jesus gives us. He loves us, desires us, and wants us to be with Him. And no matter what we do/don't do, say/don't say, think/don't think, agree with/disagree with, screw up, or mess up, He says to come as we are. 

We don't have to wait to get our life all together before coming to Jesus. I think I forget this way too often. I get more focused on people's behaviors than I do on their hearts. I want them to get "fixed", "do better", and THEN they can come to Jesus. I think, "You're not worthy until you do x,y,z. Once you do that, maybe then the gospel can make a difference." 

What the filth? That's wrong, Ashley. I've got it backwards. Jesus first. Because Jesus changed everything. Yes, our thoughts and behaviors matter. But more importantly, our hearts. And I do think that when we choose Jesus, we yearn to have things aligned with Him. 

I need a constant reminder that all people are worthy. Right now, as they are. No matter who they are. No matter what they are doing. No matter what is going on in their life right now. They're still invited to the table of grace, they're still invited to know Jesus. 

I love the line "all who are broken, lift up your face". Because when we have shame, we naturally hide our faces. And this is a reminder that there is no shame with Jesus. Grace, love, forgiveness, mercifulness. We are invited to come as we are. Just as we are. Right now. Even with that dirty thought. Even with that foul language. Even with that alcohol abuse. We can come as we are, right now. Because Jesus paid it all and he loves us and He desperately wants us to experience the goodness of God. 

We're not worthy when we make good choices. We are worthy because Jesus said we are. So no matter who you are, what you just did, you're still invited to get to know Jesus. And that's just cool. 

2015

Everyone struggles writing the new year when dating something. (I would presume, anyways). Me...I don't just write the previous year..I sometimes subtract several years. The other day I wrote 2009. Another day I wrote 2005. Another day I wrote 2013 (did that twice). It's only January 11, so that shows you how often my problem is! I do this EVERY YEAR. I just start writing numbers or something...I don't know. Luckily it's all been in the 21st century, so I get the first two numbers right!

Anyways, new years calls for new years resolutions. Sort of. I don't ever make them. I actually hate goals, which is pretty much what new years resolutions are...
But, after the first week of new years, I typically decide to make some kind of list, which is what happened. So for 2015, here is my list.

Directly from my journal, dated with the correct year the first time. Booyah! 

• Prayer life
• Understanding what it truly means to come into the presence of God. Have honest communication to/with the King. To not get so unfocused or so busy. 
• Sharing the gospel
• I'm good at talking about Church, or about Jesus, but not necessarily truly of who He is or what He did and what it means. People know I'm a Christian, but not what that really means. 
• Be bold
• Do small things on a regular basis that challenge me. Don't always take the easy route. Don't always take the fast road. 
• Be uncomfortable
• Always be safe, but uncomfortable. Out of my comfort zone, out of my own world, outside of myself. 
• Yearn for Christ
• Shane and Shane lyrics: Lord, I want to yearn for you. I want to burn with passion. Only you. 
• This is my desire, my cry, my passion. 
• Relentless
• Word of the year. I don't want to relent, to stop pursuing. Always hold accountability for self/others. 

Uncomfortable

This life is not my own. I have really been reflecting on that and trying to wrestle with that and what it truly means. What does this really mean to not have my life as my own, to really give in to Christ?
The past year or so, I've come to realize one thing it means: to be uncomfortable. But that still leaves a lot of ambiguity.

Uncomfortable, like I may have to dress up often?
Uncomfortable, like I need to start eating fresh foods?
Uncomfortable, like I need to step out of my comfort zone?
Uncomfortable, like I need to be more vulnerable?
Uncomfortable, like I need to live below my means?
Uncomfortable, like I have to be okay with awkwardness?

There are many more possibilities of what "uncomfortable" means. And is it just one of these? A combination? All of them at different points in my life? I have no idea. But I do know I need to be uncomfortable. And that is, well, uncomfortable.

Bride and Groom

Like a bride, waiting for her groom
We'll be a Church, waiting for you
Every heart, longing for her King

I love the comparison of Christ and the Church as a beautiful marriage.

I have come to hate the word "separation" because it's a word that we only use with marriages (when used in regards to relationships). Have you noticed that? I just recently realized this. If we're dating, or even engaged, we use "broke up". But I've never heard a married couple or divorced couple say "we broke up". It's always the word "separated". And it's likewise, it's rare to hear a dating/engaged couple use separated, although I have heard that before.

Separation is more about a process. And it's reserved for those special relationships, the ones where we cannot just sever ties and be done with it. Separation has to happen because the relationship was such an entanglement of two people. Without two people being significantly tied together (re: marriage), the verbage will likely be "broke up" or "no longer together". In fact, I don't usually get too bummed about hearing break ups...on some level, I'm more glad, even. Because that means, "We didn't make a total commitment to each other, we got to know each other, realized for x,y,z (values, dreams, hopes, desires, beliefs, fill in the blank) weren't in alignment and we can't serve better together, we can't do life better together. And we realized this in good time. Before saying, 'All in'."

Divorce and separation break my heart. It's near the top of my list of injustices in the world. I started going in the direction of discussing divorce/separation with this post, but I'm changing my mind and going back to the original purpose of this post.

About Jesus and the bride and the groom. 

I have been listening to this song on repeat. I love the lyrics

Like a bride waiting for her groom
We'll be a church, waiting for you

Eagerly, passionately, excitedly. Telling their friends all about their groom. Wanting to introduce everyone to them. Awaiting them as they walk down the aisle, gazing upon their handsomeness and gorgeousness. Eyes only on each other. Their hearts longing for each other. Wanting to share the moment with others (wedding), yet anxiously awaiting their moments together (honeymoon).

Marriage and relationships bring me such joy. They can work. It is possible. It's not game over. It's game start.


Also, this site is awesome: http://www.youandmeforever.org/
It's Francis Chan!!

Mindy Kaling

I have apparently been into reading celebrity books...didn't realize that until I finished my third one. Mindy Kaling "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)" was awesome! (I loved it more than Ellen's and Tina Fey's!).

She had a section called The Best Distraction in the World: Romance and Guys and that is what sealed the deal of my love for her and the book.

• First sentence: I have never had a one night stand. (p. 153)
• Second sentence: According to every women's magazine and television program ever made, this is super-unforgivablely lame..." (p. 153)
• The chapter is called "Someone Explain one night stands to me"
• Another sentence: The sexiest thing in the world is the feeling that you're wanted. (p. 153

A few chapters later: "Men and Boys"

• Sentences from it:
• Men scared the shit out of me. Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clarks. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist. Men make reservations. Men go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they're thinking of kissing you...Men know what they want and they don't let you in on their inner monologue, and that is scary. (p. 177-8)
• ......I want a guy who is entrenched in his own life. (p. 180)

And a few chapters after that: "Married People Need to Step It Up"

• Sentences from it:
• But I think the actual reason Shakespeare ended them there is because he thought the journey leading up to marriage was more fun to watch than the one that begins after the vows were said. (p. 183). 
• She talks about a new group of people she has discovered--the unhappily married people. 
• She then has a section called "A couple of great marriages", giving case studies of awesome marriages.
• And the next section is called "C'mon Married People" (my favorite!!)
• She talks about how she doesn't want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting or all the work for the date night. Rather, she wants to hear about how you watch every episode of a show together or one person got another hooked onto a show and if you watch it without the other, you're dead meat.  
• "I want to hear about it because I know it's possible, and  because I want it for myself"
• She says other cool stuff and then says...
• "Married people, it's up to you. It's entirely on your shoulders to keep this sinking institution afloat....Please be psyched and convey that psycedness to us. 

Atlanta

My "accidental" trip to Atlanta was a success! There was a conference (Passion, 268 generation) ((Or you can Google it, or look it up on FB, or even YouTube) the first weekend of January 2015 in Atlanta....there is also one the last weekend of January 2015 in Houston, which is the one my friend and I planned on going to. Like, figured out PTO, looked at flights, etc. And then when I was registering for the conference, I clicked on the wrong registration date and registered for Atlanta 1! My friend was super cool about it and helped me to be more of a..."go with the flow" type of person.

Anyways! I was in Atlanta recently (downtown area) and loved it. I didn't get to explore, only saw like 3 buildings, but the three I saw I loved. Fo' realz. Way more to Atlanta than I had ever realized. My jaw dropped several times when we first arrived. The weather sucked, but other than that, super cool. So if you've never been, you should go. I also realized I'm super unfamiliar with everything east of the Mississippi.

So, the conference was in a stadium filled with over 20,000 young adults talking about Jesus. I love people, I love learning, I love Jesus, I love college students, I love worshiping. We broke into community groups...mine had 4,582 people in it. Which then broke into family groups, which is a bit more manageable!


For those of you who have been keeping up with the past "blogs" (I think I will always hate that word)/you know me, you know that I'm not a "feeler". I'm not a big "experiencer" and I rarely exaggerate things to say something is "the best ever". So, at first, I thought I was missing out. Because those were the types of words people often used to describe their weekend.

This was the best weekend ever. This was the greatest experience. What a great feeling. 

None of those came from my mouth. It was cool, it was neat, but I wasn't getting what it seemed like other people were getting out of it. And then I realized, I was. 

I'm not a feeler, and that's okay. I'm a thinker. And my thoughts have started to shift and change, particularly since the conference. I have realized it did impact me, just in a different way from others. It wasn't a huge, emotional event for me. And that's okay, because I'm not an emotional person. (I can feel, for the record!) It wasn't a place where I felt like I "experienced God" any more there than what I'm doing right now. It wasn't a place where I felt like "everything clicked". 

But it was a place where I got to dialogue with people in my family group about Jesus. It was a place where I got to be reminded that the Church isn't dead, God isn't dead, and college students aren't lame, and young adults have huge hearts, minds, passions, and goals. It was a place where I got to worship with over 20,000 other people. It was a place where I got to pray and be prayed for. It was a place where I could worship with the people who wrote the songs we sing in church. It was a place where I was reminded of the scandal of grace, the beauty of Christ, and His relentlessness towards us. 

And since the weekend. My focus has been reshifted on Jesus. My thoughts are all consumed with Him. All I want to do is go home and worship Him, study the Bible, review my notes. I want my relationships to exude Christ's love. I've been more reflective of these things that have come into my head since 2015:

• Jesus changed everything. 
• The beauty of Christ. 
• The scandal of grace. 
• Holy, holy, holy. 
• Relentless.

So, yeah. This weekend did impact me. Not because God was "super present". Not because something super profound was said (although when you have people like Louie Giglio, John Piper, Francis Chan, Ben Stuart, and Carl Lentz speaking, profoundness was constant). Not because some super cool songs were sung by super cool worship leaders (Passion; David Crowder Band, Christy Nockels, Chris Tomlin, Kristian Stanfill, Kari Jobe, Matt Redman..). Not because 20,000 people were there (but how cool is that). 

I wasn't awestruck by the experience or the music. I didn't get swept away, because I'm not even sure I can get swept away! But my mind was reeling, and I responded the best way I knew how--by taking notes, processing, and talking to Jesus. It impacted me because I'm reminded of those 5 bullet points. 

Five Weird Things That You Like

The word "weird" does not mean what I thought it meant...so with this actual definition.

1. The scandal of grace.
2. Jesus' resurrection. 
3. The friendship between David and Jonathan. 
4. Jesus inviting Zacchaeus to his home. 
5. The trinity.