Discerning Love

 From my Journal  (11/27/2020)

Spending some time in the Word and with God this morning. Reading 1 Thessalonians, Colossians, and Philippians. This verse stood out:

And this is my prayer! That your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ. Philippians 1:9-11

To me, that passage says that the more we ask questions and grow in our knowledge of Christ, the more we dig into the Word, the more we will have an abounding love. I also love the word "discern"--having discernment is to show "good or outstanding judgment and understanding." The Bible may not always be explicitly clear and there are so many messages, but the more we stay within Christ, abide in Him--we will grow in love, discernment, insight, and knowledge. Develop insight and using discernment leads me to an uninhibited belief that Jesus truly loves us. This is why I do believe that black lives matter, why I do believe He gives everlasting grace, why I believe that His heart is one of justice, mercy, truth, and grace. And calls His followers to do the same. 

And Philippians 1:27a: Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ

And this: ...Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice." Philippians 4:8-9

What a reminder of strong encouragement of how to align ourselves with the one true, holy God. How to be holy, set apart from others, in a God-honoring way. Love, love, love, love. Love justly, love mercifully, love with plentiful grace. 

Anchored by Truth

My best friend semi-recently reminded me that there is a standard of truth and that immediately anchored me. Between her, the Bible, and prayer, I'm feeling significantly more assured and anchored than before I texted her. I'm also feeling a bit convicted and that's kind of uncomfortable. 

Essentially what happened is that I texted her and said: "I think I have a problem but I'm confused and not sure and want your insight/input" and she immediately called me. I'm not much of a phone talker and I didn't anticipate such a quick response, but it was really appreciated. I explained the presenting situation and as we talked it through, she seemingly casually said that we believe in a standard of truth. And I was like "Wait, wait, wait. Say that again. That's it. That's exactly it. What you just said, anchors me. There's a standard of truth." When I got lost in relativism, I legitimately get lost. There is no actual standard of truth in the world of relativism and it's confusing and illogical. It sounds nonjudgemental, but it's actually irrational. 

It's scary to be untethered or to feel like everything is relative and I had definitely been falling into that trap--that relativism is real and good, rather than a belief in Truth. There is truth, there is a standard, there is an anchor. And it's okay, good, and holy to stay anchored, stand firm to that. That Jesus is the way, the truth the life. He is the standard. He's what's good, what's holy, what's right, what's true. 

1 Peter 2:16-17: Live as free people do, but not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God's slaves. Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.

A couple days after I had this conversation, I spent some time with another Christian friend--what was going to be a two-minute wave hello ended up being a two hour bonding time (we tried to be safe in the midst of the pandemic! It's been several weeks and neither of have COVID, so I guess we did alright!) and I told her how much I needed more connection with Christians. She brought up a conversation about society, truth, the Bible, etc and it was closely related to some of my struggles, though she was much more anchored to her beliefs than I was--which was helpful, weird, and refreshing. That's exactly what I need; stronger anchors to the truth. The Truth; the truth in who Jesus is, what He's done, is doing, and will do. Infallible, everlasting, infinite, bigger than everything, wholly, intimate. 

A few days after that at church (online), I was reminded that when the Church has the courage to hold to biblical truth, things happen. And that when we're wrestling with our sin, that's not a bad place to be--we're responding to conviction. 

IDGAF

I told my best friend that the other day I had the STRONGEST urge to straight-up party in Vegas. I'm talking party Vegas style--loud music, grinding, making out with random guys, getting drunk, the works. 

It was SUPER weird, because none of that is remotely close to me or what I do in real life. Nor is it just real at all. So when I had this urge, I was 1-extremely confused; 2-a little embarrassed, 3-confused. So confused that it warranted being listed twice with different levels of severity. I didn't want to tell anyone, but I'm getting so much better at telling people things and reaching out when my thoughts get wild (this time, in the literal sense of wild, I guess). 

Anyways, we realized that it was more of the urge to truly not give a f*** about anything. She sent that to me and a hilarious gif, so I felt immediately better. 

It led to a good, deeper conversation about the weight of so many things and responsibilities we carry, especially in the midst of a pandemic. I am so grateful for real friendships. Where I can be real about my super weird (not real) desires (but feel so real) and we can laugh about it, get the deeper meaning, and have hilarious conversations that also have meaning. 

Side note--the other day someone at work randomly said, "Ashley, you seem to have a lot of friends." And I was like..."No...I don't..." And they said, "Well, you seem to have really good friends; every time you talk about someone in your life or your friends, you can tell that they are really good." So, that's cool :)