Thursday, February 16, 2012

Justice, Forgiveness, Mercifulness

Justice: Behavior according to what is right/fair
Forgiveness: Stop feeling angry/resentful to someone due to a wrong doing
Mercifulness: Compassion towards someone when you have the right to punish/harm

All three of these words sound great--they all sound like words that we like, right? But when you really look at them, you'll see that it's difficult for them to exist together. It's so hard for me to balance those words together. There are a lot of things I have trouble grasping about God, but the thing that's at the top of my list of incomprehensible things is the idea that God is fully just and fully merciful and fully forgiving.

I get made fun of (lovingly, I hope) due to my high guilt complex. But my sense of justice ranks even beyond my guilt complex. I have such a strong sense of justice and injustices destroy me when I see them happen.

I hate that people are struggling. I hate that people who are absolutely incredible are having cruddy things happen to them. I hate that people are suffering, especially those who are suffering due to poor decisions made on other people's parts. I hate that bad things happen in the world. I hate that there are diseases, natural disasters, mental disorders, physical disorders. I hate that there is death.

I see all of those issues and I get upset. I weep and mourn.

I seek justice--I want wrongs righted.
I hold onto the peace that Jesus promises, I hold onto the character of God that I believe in--that He is fully just.

I also know that forgiveness must happen. I know that if true justice was sought, I wouldn't be redeemed. I don't deserve the love that Jesus offers, and I am so thankful for His forgiveness. I believe that He is fully forgiving.

I also know that mercy does not negate justice. I know that being merciful means fully loving. I believe that He is fully merciful.

I believe that God is fully just, fully forgiving, and fully merciful. I believe that there will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, no more fears. While I may not be able to grasp this idea of justice, forgiveness, and mercifulness, Jesus does. And I trust that He wants justice more than I do and that He loves people and the world more than I do.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012



In less than three months, I will have walked the stage and participated in my undergraduate graduation ceremony. In less than three months, I will have completed all of my coursework necessary to obtain a minor in Political Science and a a Bachelor of Science in Psychology and a Bachelor of Science in Sociology. In less than three months, I will have graduated from Northern Arizona University.

Graduating high school was so much easier. I knew what I was going to do. I knew it wouldn't be difficult for me to get into a university. Good grief, two of my high school counselors told me I could probably get into any university I wanted--I was even encouraged to apply to Harvard--and they told me I wouldn't have any trouble getting a full ride scholarship. I had solid teachers who knew me and supported me. I was excited to graduate high school.

I'm not so excited about graduating college. Really, graduating from college is not fun. (Or cheap. Geeze la weeze it's expensive to graduate!) This has definitely been a trying year and an incredibly difficult semester..and I'm only a month in. Figuring out life is much more difficult than one would think..and most people already think it's pretty darn difficult. Besides that, I have really enjoyed my undergraduate career. I have had an awesome job the past three years, developed incredible relationships, have deepened in my understanding of diversity, and have enjoyed my courses (I mean, not all of them and not the work=P).

Also, my family still lives in the city where my high school is. My friends from high school, I can still see, they are still part of my life. But when I graduate college, I won't have family or strong ties to Flagstaff. And once the people graduate who will still be here next year...they probably won't be here. The relationships I have developed with people here, while many of them are much deeper and more developed than those back home, they are going to take a lot more work to keep. And realizing that, kind of sucks and is slightly heartbreaking.

I'm (temporarily) done ranting about my panic=) 

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I'm Not A (BLANK) Major!

Since I've been in college one of the most common phrases I hear is, "Whatever, I'm not a (blank) major".
The most common majors that people use are Math and English.

When someone adds 44 and 32 incorrectly, they just say, "Whatever, I'm not a math major".
When someone misspells a word, they just say, "Whatever, I'm not an English major".

Really, I've heard just about every major used in that blank space...and I'm tired of it. It's one of the most annoying phrases.

At the college level, you should be able to add 44 and 32, you should know how to spell most words, you should know the basics of grammar, you should know that 8x7 is the same as 7x8. Good grief. I hate excuses. And I really hate stupid excuses.

There is no excuse for a college student to not be able to do elementary math or spelling. Besides that, there is a reason why nearly every college requires a certain amount of liberal studies courses for undergraduate studies--because it's important to know some basics of things outside of your main area of study. Am I great at math? No. Do I know how to do Differential Equations? No. Do I know how to do Quantitative Reasoning? Yes. And every NAU student (and really, every college student) should be able to answer "yes" to that last question.


I just hate excuses and I hate when people say, "I'm not a (blank) major!"

So if you want to tick me off, just say that phrase and you have achieved your goal. Because I firmly believe that it's important to know at least a little about other subjects. And at the very least, be able to perform at a high school level in all subjects if you're in college. Otherwise, you look like an idiot and make other college students look like buffoons too. 

Wednesday, February 8, 2012


Epiphany: A moment of sudden revelation or insight

This week I've had two epiphanies.

  1. Learning is worth more than grades. 
  2. A major is a knowledge in a particular field. 
Learning is worth more than grades
I'm still debating this one and need thoughts. I have come to the conclusion that someone can get solid grades and not actually learn. It's possible to get a 4.0 and not really learn, I really believe that. Does that go the other way, though? Can you learn something and not get high grades? After many years, I think I've decided on "yes". I used to define myself through my grades. Now, I was definitely a student who learned too, but when I didn't care or thought something was stupid, I didn't learn, yet still got a good grade. But I finally learned an important lesson over the course of my undergraduate career--and it's that I'm worth more than my grades. 

I bring this up because I am taking classes now that are going to be challenging for my GPA, I'm pretty sure. But I kind of like the classes--I am learning. They aren't the most fun nor are they easy, but I am learning. I have a test in my American Foreign Policy class this week and I'm not overly confident that I'll do well on it. It's a dang hard class and it'll be a dang hard test. On the first day of class our professor said that she tries to be hard and wants to be known as the hardest teacher, yadda yadda yadda. Even though I don't like the work and may not get a solid grade on this test, I have enjoyed the class and the readings (kind of). I'm learning. So I'm trying to hold onto this realization that learning is more important than grades, because that's the only thing that'll really get me through this semester. 

A major is knowledge in a particular field.
Okay, no duh. But seriously, it just hit me today. I have specific knowledge in the fields of Psychology and Sociology. I understand people and society better than the average person. How cool! I can read people better than most people. I can see relationships and understand them in a different way than the average person. I have an intricate understanding of institutions, of the mind, and of deviance that others don't have. I have a vast amount of knowledge in these fields--more than someone who isn't majoring in either of these and way more than someone who has never taken a class in either subject. 

I felt better about my life and my past four years and this upcoming semester when I had these two epiphanies.