Friday, November 14, 2014

Your Fears

Well this one is rather broad and vague, isn't it.

I have many, actually. Some are just in general, some specific, some depend on the day, some are all the time, some are just during certain moments of life, so no need to get in a panic about these...

  • My typing has slowed down significantly, and I'm concerned about that. It's not like I don't type very often, so I'm not sure what the deal is. But I was averaging 72wpm when I was 12 (I had amazing learning programs), my average was near 98wpm in college..and now I'm like...lower..
    • Update: I just took  a typing test. I feel a little better? Still way lower than what I was at.. It's one of those trademarks I had, where people almost always would comment on how quickly I typed. I am not as concerned about the typing speed, obviously I'm not slow, but I don't understand how I've decreased so much. 
    • Maybe it's because I'm not typing like 7 intensive papers a week like I used to?

  • The normal fears...failing, not being enough, not being legitimately awesome..
  • Getting pulled over
    • I got pulled over last weekend! All turned out to be okay (sort of, one of my headlights was out). But got it fixed immediately after. 
  • Someone thinks I'm mean, hurtful, rude, unkind, unpleasant, and/or stupid. 
    • This is something I don't share with a lot of people, but it's one of those deep rooted fears I have. And that leads into shame...and the cycle goes on.. 
  • I won't learn how to be truly authentic. 
  • I won't/don't have a really strong support group/system. 
  • I'm afraid I'll never be good at waking up. 
  • Sometimes I get afraid to drive over bridges...that's been a new thing within the last year or so? It's been a weird sensation...
  • Anything that flies that wasn't made by a human. 
    • Insects, bees, wasps, etc. 
  • Ugly animals
    • Might be judgemental, but totally afraid of an animal that isn't cute. Like armadillos. I'm not afraid of cute animals, like squirrels, which is problematic since we all know every squirrel has 43392 diseases and you'll die if you touch one. (Exaggeration)
  • I'm afraid to drive where I can't use my mirrors. 

Currently, one of my biggest fears is getting stuck. Or staying stuck..I think I already am stuck. Being unable to get unstuck?
Today someone told me I should be happy with where I'm at. It made me feel like I was being ungrateful. And perhaps in a way I kind of am. But I don't buy the "you're where you're supposed to be" kind of crap. Sometimes it's true. Sometimes, it's not. 

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