2015

Everyone struggles writing the new year when dating something. (I would presume, anyways). Me...I don't just write the previous year..I sometimes subtract several years. The other day I wrote 2009. Another day I wrote 2005. Another day I wrote 2013 (did that twice). It's only January 11, so that shows you how often my problem is! I do this EVERY YEAR. I just start writing numbers or something...I don't know. Luckily it's all been in the 21st century, so I get the first two numbers right!

Anyways, new years calls for new years resolutions. Sort of. I don't ever make them. I actually hate goals, which is pretty much what new years resolutions are...
But, after the first week of new years, I typically decide to make some kind of list, which is what happened. So for 2015, here is my list.

Directly from my journal, dated with the correct year the first time. Booyah! 

• Prayer life
• Understanding what it truly means to come into the presence of God. Have honest communication to/with the King. To not get so unfocused or so busy. 
• Sharing the gospel
• I'm good at talking about Church, or about Jesus, but not necessarily truly of who He is or what He did and what it means. People know I'm a Christian, but not what that really means. 
• Be bold
• Do small things on a regular basis that challenge me. Don't always take the easy route. Don't always take the fast road. 
• Be uncomfortable
• Always be safe, but uncomfortable. Out of my comfort zone, out of my own world, outside of myself. 
• Yearn for Christ
• Shane and Shane lyrics: Lord, I want to yearn for you. I want to burn with passion. Only you. 
• This is my desire, my cry, my passion. 
• Relentless
• Word of the year. I don't want to relent, to stop pursuing. Always hold accountability for self/others. 

Uncomfortable

This life is not my own. I have really been reflecting on that and trying to wrestle with that and what it truly means. What does this really mean to not have my life as my own, to really give in to Christ?
The past year or so, I've come to realize one thing it means: to be uncomfortable. But that still leaves a lot of ambiguity.

Uncomfortable, like I may have to dress up often?
Uncomfortable, like I need to start eating fresh foods?
Uncomfortable, like I need to step out of my comfort zone?
Uncomfortable, like I need to be more vulnerable?
Uncomfortable, like I need to live below my means?
Uncomfortable, like I have to be okay with awkwardness?

There are many more possibilities of what "uncomfortable" means. And is it just one of these? A combination? All of them at different points in my life? I have no idea. But I do know I need to be uncomfortable. And that is, well, uncomfortable.

Bride and Groom

Like a bride, waiting for her groom
We'll be a Church, waiting for you
Every heart, longing for her King

I love the comparison of Christ and the Church as a beautiful marriage.

I have come to hate the word "separation" because it's a word that we only use with marriages (when used in regards to relationships). Have you noticed that? I just recently realized this. If we're dating, or even engaged, we use "broke up". But I've never heard a married couple or divorced couple say "we broke up". It's always the word "separated". And it's likewise, it's rare to hear a dating/engaged couple use separated, although I have heard that before.

Separation is more about a process. And it's reserved for those special relationships, the ones where we cannot just sever ties and be done with it. Separation has to happen because the relationship was such an entanglement of two people. Without two people being significantly tied together (re: marriage), the verbage will likely be "broke up" or "no longer together". In fact, I don't usually get too bummed about hearing break ups...on some level, I'm more glad, even. Because that means, "We didn't make a total commitment to each other, we got to know each other, realized for x,y,z (values, dreams, hopes, desires, beliefs, fill in the blank) weren't in alignment and we can't serve better together, we can't do life better together. And we realized this in good time. Before saying, 'All in'."

Divorce and separation break my heart. It's near the top of my list of injustices in the world. I started going in the direction of discussing divorce/separation with this post, but I'm changing my mind and going back to the original purpose of this post.

About Jesus and the bride and the groom. 

I have been listening to this song on repeat. I love the lyrics

Like a bride waiting for her groom
We'll be a church, waiting for you

Eagerly, passionately, excitedly. Telling their friends all about their groom. Wanting to introduce everyone to them. Awaiting them as they walk down the aisle, gazing upon their handsomeness and gorgeousness. Eyes only on each other. Their hearts longing for each other. Wanting to share the moment with others (wedding), yet anxiously awaiting their moments together (honeymoon).

Marriage and relationships bring me such joy. They can work. It is possible. It's not game over. It's game start.


Also, this site is awesome: http://www.youandmeforever.org/
It's Francis Chan!!

Mindy Kaling

I have apparently been into reading celebrity books...didn't realize that until I finished my third one. Mindy Kaling "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)" was awesome! (I loved it more than Ellen's and Tina Fey's!).

She had a section called The Best Distraction in the World: Romance and Guys and that is what sealed the deal of my love for her and the book.

• First sentence: I have never had a one night stand. (p. 153)
• Second sentence: According to every women's magazine and television program ever made, this is super-unforgivablely lame..." (p. 153)
• The chapter is called "Someone Explain one night stands to me"
• Another sentence: The sexiest thing in the world is the feeling that you're wanted. (p. 153

A few chapters later: "Men and Boys"

• Sentences from it:
• Men scared the shit out of me. Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clarks. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist. Men make reservations. Men go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they're thinking of kissing you...Men know what they want and they don't let you in on their inner monologue, and that is scary. (p. 177-8)
• ......I want a guy who is entrenched in his own life. (p. 180)

And a few chapters after that: "Married People Need to Step It Up"

• Sentences from it:
• But I think the actual reason Shakespeare ended them there is because he thought the journey leading up to marriage was more fun to watch than the one that begins after the vows were said. (p. 183). 
• She talks about a new group of people she has discovered--the unhappily married people. 
• She then has a section called "A couple of great marriages", giving case studies of awesome marriages.
• And the next section is called "C'mon Married People" (my favorite!!)
• She talks about how she doesn't want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting or all the work for the date night. Rather, she wants to hear about how you watch every episode of a show together or one person got another hooked onto a show and if you watch it without the other, you're dead meat.  
• "I want to hear about it because I know it's possible, and  because I want it for myself"
• She says other cool stuff and then says...
• "Married people, it's up to you. It's entirely on your shoulders to keep this sinking institution afloat....Please be psyched and convey that psycedness to us. 

Atlanta

My "accidental" trip to Atlanta was a success! There was a conference (Passion, 268 generation) ((Or you can Google it, or look it up on FB, or even YouTube) the first weekend of January 2015 in Atlanta....there is also one the last weekend of January 2015 in Houston, which is the one my friend and I planned on going to. Like, figured out PTO, looked at flights, etc. And then when I was registering for the conference, I clicked on the wrong registration date and registered for Atlanta 1! My friend was super cool about it and helped me to be more of a..."go with the flow" type of person.

Anyways! I was in Atlanta recently (downtown area) and loved it. I didn't get to explore, only saw like 3 buildings, but the three I saw I loved. Fo' realz. Way more to Atlanta than I had ever realized. My jaw dropped several times when we first arrived. The weather sucked, but other than that, super cool. So if you've never been, you should go. I also realized I'm super unfamiliar with everything east of the Mississippi.

So, the conference was in a stadium filled with over 20,000 young adults talking about Jesus. I love people, I love learning, I love Jesus, I love college students, I love worshiping. We broke into community groups...mine had 4,582 people in it. Which then broke into family groups, which is a bit more manageable!


For those of you who have been keeping up with the past "blogs" (I think I will always hate that word)/you know me, you know that I'm not a "feeler". I'm not a big "experiencer" and I rarely exaggerate things to say something is "the best ever". So, at first, I thought I was missing out. Because those were the types of words people often used to describe their weekend.

This was the best weekend ever. This was the greatest experience. What a great feeling. 

None of those came from my mouth. It was cool, it was neat, but I wasn't getting what it seemed like other people were getting out of it. And then I realized, I was. 

I'm not a feeler, and that's okay. I'm a thinker. And my thoughts have started to shift and change, particularly since the conference. I have realized it did impact me, just in a different way from others. It wasn't a huge, emotional event for me. And that's okay, because I'm not an emotional person. (I can feel, for the record!) It wasn't a place where I felt like I "experienced God" any more there than what I'm doing right now. It wasn't a place where I felt like "everything clicked". 

But it was a place where I got to dialogue with people in my family group about Jesus. It was a place where I got to be reminded that the Church isn't dead, God isn't dead, and college students aren't lame, and young adults have huge hearts, minds, passions, and goals. It was a place where I got to worship with over 20,000 other people. It was a place where I got to pray and be prayed for. It was a place where I could worship with the people who wrote the songs we sing in church. It was a place where I was reminded of the scandal of grace, the beauty of Christ, and His relentlessness towards us. 

And since the weekend. My focus has been reshifted on Jesus. My thoughts are all consumed with Him. All I want to do is go home and worship Him, study the Bible, review my notes. I want my relationships to exude Christ's love. I've been more reflective of these things that have come into my head since 2015:

• Jesus changed everything. 
• The beauty of Christ. 
• The scandal of grace. 
• Holy, holy, holy. 
• Relentless.

So, yeah. This weekend did impact me. Not because God was "super present". Not because something super profound was said (although when you have people like Louie Giglio, John Piper, Francis Chan, Ben Stuart, and Carl Lentz speaking, profoundness was constant). Not because some super cool songs were sung by super cool worship leaders (Passion; David Crowder Band, Christy Nockels, Chris Tomlin, Kristian Stanfill, Kari Jobe, Matt Redman..). Not because 20,000 people were there (but how cool is that). 

I wasn't awestruck by the experience or the music. I didn't get swept away, because I'm not even sure I can get swept away! But my mind was reeling, and I responded the best way I knew how--by taking notes, processing, and talking to Jesus. It impacted me because I'm reminded of those 5 bullet points. 

Five Weird Things That You Like

The word "weird" does not mean what I thought it meant...so with this actual definition.

1. The scandal of grace.
2. Jesus' resurrection. 
3. The friendship between David and Jonathan. 
4. Jesus inviting Zacchaeus to his home. 
5. The trinity. 

Somewhere You Would Like to Move to or Visit

The world.