Values

I love voting. I love America. I love democracy. I love freedom.

I'm not a super passionate person. I'm really grateful there ARE super passionate people, I'm just not one of them (and I'm okay with that). Passion is a value and what people are passionate about are also values.

Passion is defined as "strong and barely controllable emotion."  I value objectivity, prudence, judgment, and critical thinking. I value being able to maintain control of my emotions in nearly all situations. I value the idea of not being so entrenched in a belief (including my belief in who Jesus is) that I can't potentially be swayed. Others value that they are so faithful that they couldn't be swayed in their belief. That's a value. Neither are wrong...you can only be wrong if there are facts involved.

I am so glad other people aren't like me. I'm also so glad other people are like me. We need lots of people who think things through and weigh decisions and we need lots of people who feel deeply and strongly and act on those feelings.

Regarding this specific election--

To my friends of color, LGBTQ, and other marginalized groups: I hear you, I hear the pain, I see the grief, and I hear the feelings of being fearful. Because justice is another strong value I have and one of my favorite words is "safe"; it's so important that you feel safe in America.

To my friends who voted for Trump: You're not stupid. And your values also matter. It's important you feel heard.

It's about values. Some people value financial security, others value financial freedom. Some value the topic of global warming as their top priority, others value rights of women, others value the Dakota Access Pipeline Movement, others value strong protection of borders, and others value education. There are thousands of values. And many of them clash and it's hard for them to coexist. Ergo, spirited debates and unfriending.

But what it is is values. And values aren't wrong. They just are. And people have them. Due to values, I was really torn between my value of being objective versus my understanding of people's passion and I thought that if I were to be objective, that means I'm a heartless person. I had to really wrestle through that.

I value that emotions don't get in the way for me and I value that I can see it from both sides and can be swayed. Many people value that they have a strong belief so much that they can't be swayed. And that's okay. They aren't close minded and I'm not heartless. I value particular topics, others value other topics. And that's okay.

For some, they don't want to interact with people with different values. And that's part of their value system. For others, they want to interact with people with different values, and that's part of their value system. So if you have friends who say "just unfriend me now", recognize their values. You'll also have a lot of friends who say welcome to my page, and it's okay no matter who you are, and recognize those values.

Again, it's about values. And values aren't wrong, they just are.

PS. See my post on unfriending (one of my values):
http://dearworld-ily.blogspot.com/2016/02/unfriending.html 

Also, Trump/Pence sounds like "Trumpets". Jam to this, might make you dance!

God Honoring

I've been wrestling between being kind toward someone and being right. As I was thinking about it, a gentle whisper came and asked what choice will honor me? What is the most God honoring response? That has made me step back and reflect. Being God honoring is hard, but it's the choice I want to make. Choosing to follow Christ. Which means...not gossiping, not being passive aggressive, not being unkind or rude, not being a jerk. It means actively choosing integrity, kindness, and Jesus. Love people, even when it's hard, even when they are hurtful, even when it's uncomfortable. And good grief, is it hard right now to make those choices. I want to give this person a piece of my mind, I want to rally others behind me, I want to call them names, I want to be passive aggressive. It's taken me days to calm down, if I'm being honest. So this decision (which I haven't actually followed through on yet, I need to work up to that still) is not one that is easy "just because": I'm a Christian, I'm a professional, I'm a BHP, I'm a social worker, I'm a therapist, I'm a licensed professional, I'm a 'good person' etc...I still wrestle and it's still hard. But I have come to the decision to actively choose kindness, integrity, and ultimately, Jesus.

I've had this song stuck in my head...I had the wrong lyrics, but finally found it: Washed Over Me, All Things New

I need supporters and encouragers. People to hold me accountable of honoring Christ in my choices and lifestyle. That means doing more than just my job and being more than just my job. It means having authentic relationships, pursuing goals, being kind, being courageous. It means being more active, feeling better about myself, making choices I'm proud of, engaging with people, not being so fearful of intimacy. I want to be surrounded by people who are just, merciful, forgiving, and encourage me to be the same. People who are passionate about the beauty of Jesus and hold me up. People who encourage me to take risks, who are intentional, available, and intimate. People who actively choose kindness and integrity. I need a supportive network of people, especially believers.

[This is sort of a compilation of my own journal entries over the months...]

The Conflict of Boundaries

This last week, I've either been witness to or a part of several situations where boundary setting led to people being pissed off. And in all situations that have recently occurred, I know that what I (and others) did was the right thing. I know I acted appropriately, I know I didn't do anything wrong, and I know those who I was setting boundaries with were in the wrong. And while I believe in growth and learning from situations and how to respond better, in all of the situations in the past week, I'm confident that I did what I was supposed to do and really wouldn't have done things differently.

Yet, I'm really upset. Hurt, rather. Frustrated? All of those. And I'm now realizing it's because I'm really just confused. I'm in this conflict in the midst of boundary setting, where I have this pull of my intense desire (albeit somewhat dangerous) to be liked, but the ethical obligation to set boundaries.

Be liked.
Set boundaries.

And confused, because which one wins? Why can't they both win? Why is it when boundaries are set, people get mad?

These are rhetorical questions.
And for me, ethics will win. 

Hypotheticals

The other day, I was having ice cream with one of the most incredible human beings I know. We talked about a lot of things, and one of them was this hardship that we both realize we face.

This idea, this question really of, 

Are we willing to invest in a hypothetical?

We talked about how we are intentional people, but how do you maintain relationships with those who like to be more spontaneous? What do you do when you don't feel fully connected? How do you develop and maintain deep, connected relationships as you grow older and life transitions take place? We talked about specific relationships we have been involved in and how now, there is some danger because we hold that as the standard for relationships; when we know how good it could be, we yearn for that, and then don't feel wholly satisfied.

I presented a specific issue I have and they essentially summed it up about investing in a hypothetical. It could be an amazing thing. Or it could just be completely draining and so utterly exhausting.

See, my personality type is pretty introverted. I'm pretty outgoing, but my energy levels are based on having time to myself, or having deep, meaningful relationships. So for some people, the option of potential strong, life giving relationships is totally worth it and not much of a question. For me, I have to look at how much energy I really have. And the outcome isn't a definite. If it were, I might be more willing.

I'm always looking at cost-benefit. I'm looking at the risk ratio. I calculate my conversations and relationships. Input and output. I do sometimes treat relationships like a math problem.

And for the last while, I've decided no, I'm not willing to invest in a hypothetical. But I think I just may be willing to reconsider. 

Solo

I went on my first solo vacation trip this Memorial Weekend to San Diego, CA and it was glorious. It doesn't even hardly feel real, which was partially why it was so nice--I didn't think about anyone or anything outside of where I was in the moment. I texted a few people every now and then, mainly to provide general safety updates, but otherwise, I didn't really use my phone. (And to take some pictures, but even then, I focused on enjoying the present moment rather than trying to capture things for the future.)

There are few places I love more than the beach. Actually, I can't really think of any place I love more than the beach. It's one of my "secret" loves (I don't talk about it often, but not necessarily hiding it). Except when it's dark, because then it terrifies me, I love bodies of water.

I visited two universities, a few beaches/coves, harbors, parks, museums, a national monument, and did a boat tour. And I read an entire book (The Husband's Secret, for book club). And slept soundly. 

Not once did I feel rushed, pressured, lonely, bored, bummed, sad, annoyed, stressed, scared, nervous, worried, or upset.

Sometimes I felt a little confused because I would get kind of lost, but always found my way. I mainly felt contentment, bliss, and calmed. Except every single time I saw the ocean, my face lit up like a Christmas tree, it was a little ridiculous. I couldn't contain my excitement and joy each time I saw the water. 

Seriously, in the car as I rounded a curve and saw the ocean. And whenever I walked a shoreline or by a bay, I'm pretty sure people may have thought I was nuts, because I was walking with this big goofy grin that I couldn't contain. Water does that to me..

This was my first trip that I can think of that I have ever done without an agenda. Without an itinerary or purpose. I've done solo trips before, but always for a reason. That's what made this one special. There was no reason to go other than to just go. 

I always have a purpose and a plan and a reason. "Let's just see what happens" is a phrase I despise. 

I've been working on trying to be more "go with the flow", spontaneous, and flexible. Doing things because you want to. If I wanted something longer than three seconds, I did it or I bought it. I created a list of things I wanted to do and then just did them. 

I might make this a tradition...but in the meantime, I need to figure out how to start to integrate some of this past weekend's experiences into my real life.

Yada

Yada (Hebrew): To know and be known completely; to be chosen and pursued.

My relationship with Christ should be the most intimate relationship I have. And my close relationships should mirror this type of relationship, but my relationship with Jesus trumps all. At least it should and that's what I want...except it's not always what I want and I start choosing to be a "fan", rather than a follower. I have actively chosen to not engage with my Creator recently because I knew it would mean to give up some of the choices I've made. I have made a lot of bad choices lately. I have actively chosen things I knew I shouldn't. I have chosen jealousy over trust; knowledge over intimacy; fear over joy. Partially because it was just easier. But I've started to come face to face with those decisions and it's been tearing me up. Now, I'm at another one of those crossroads moments.

And I choose the rugged, glorious cross. Because a second chance is heaven's heart (RCE--"Second Chance").

"Fans choose knowledge; followers embrace intimacy."

Knowledge: Study, learn; it is valuable and important, but it cannot replace intimacy. Knowledge can be easier, but it's not as worthwhile if it's all we choose.

In all areas of my life, I have been choosing knowledge recently. It's wonderful to pursue knowledge, but in pursuit of it I have also chosen to resist intimacy. It's not how it has to be, but it's what I have chosen. And it's been wrecking me, because I know how purposeful and valuable and necessary intimacy is. Yet, I keep trying to shut it out. Because jealousy, fear, and knowledge have been easier to hang on to.

To be intimate and vulnerable. Yada. 

Intimacy requires vulnerability.
Yada with my Abba.
How beautiful to be fully known and wholly loved.


He knows me, He knows me, He knows me. He calls me to Him, again and again, despite my choices. And he forgives me and still calls me His child.

My child, my beloved, my daughter, my love. Be intimate and vulnerable. Come to me, come at my feet and give up your jealousy. Stay here, with me. Stay and grow in me. Then, go and have these relationships with others. Relationships of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, and self-control. That is what I have called you to. To have intimate, beautiful, vulnerable, full of life relationships. Not relationships with bitterness, jealousy, hurt, mistrust, anger, resentment, lies, and fear. Stop it. That is not what you were created for. You were created for my joy. You were created to honor me in all you do, especially in your engagement in relationships. So engage in relationships. Real ones. Be intimate and vulnerable. And trust in me. I love you, my dear. 

Mandated Reporting

I had to make one of the most difficult Department of Child Safety (DCS) calls of my career the other day. Many of my kids are already involved in DCS when I meet them, and so I don't typically have to make a lot of calls. However, I've still had to make a number of DCS calls in my profession as a mandated reporter, though all of the past ones, the kids were already in safe environments and it was typically just additional information I had to provide. A couple have led to non-priority investigations, some just resulted in documentation. But this time I would be the one initiating DCS. This was the first call where I had fear of that child's safety at that moment. All the past calls I've made, I didn't have strong concerns of present danger. In fact, when I told them I would likely be making a report, they got upset saying there will be retaliation and it will be worse. I asked if I misunderstood any of the information. No, but they will retaliate and it will be worse. 

I had to make the call. I was in anguish about it and it was hard. What if things do get worse? What if they don't continue to engage in therapy? What if I've ruined all trust? What if there isn't enough information to be substantiated? 

I didn't have a choice. I had enough information that led me to have significant concerns of their well being. I am a mandated reported. It may be the law, but it doesn't mean it's easy. But I had to make the call. 

DCS investigated within hours. They also saw it is a priority case with the information provided. 

This kid is going to make it in the world, but they desperately need help. They need a support system. They need positive, strong influences. They need people to care for their wellbeing. I think I'm the first person to say to them that what's happening is not okay and I'm putting their safety in front of my relationship with them. Their safety and wellbeing matters. They matter. That's why I made the call. Because they matter and they need to know that. They need to know people don't treat people that way and it is not okay. This is a call that may have saved their life and I have to believe that. 

They are worthy of love, dignity, respect, belonging. 

For information regarding mandated reporting: https://dcs.az.gov/services/suspect-abuse-report-it-now

If you have any concerns regarding a child in AZ call:

1-888-SOS-CHILD (1-888-767-2445)