Sunday, November 6, 2016

God Honoring

I've been wrestling between being kind toward someone and being right. As I was thinking about it, a gentle whisper came and asked what choice will honor me? What is the most God honoring response? That has made me step back and reflect. Being God honoring is hard, but it's the choice I want to make. Choosing to follow Christ. Which means...not gossiping, not being passive aggressive, not being unkind or rude, not being a jerk. It means actively choosing integrity, kindness, and Jesus. Love people, even when it's hard, even when they are hurtful, even when it's uncomfortable. And good grief, is it hard right now to make those choices. I want to give this person a piece of my mind, I want to rally others behind me, I want to call them names, I want to be passive aggressive. It's taken me days to calm down, if I'm being honest. So this decision (which I haven't actually followed through on yet, I need to work up to that still) is not one that is easy "just because": I'm a Christian, I'm a professional, I'm a BHP, I'm a social worker, I'm a therapist, I'm a licensed professional, I'm a 'good person' etc...I still wrestle and it's still hard. But I have come to the decision to actively choose kindness, integrity, and ultimately, Jesus.

I've had this song stuck in my head...I had the wrong lyrics, but finally found it: Washed Over Me, All Things New

I need supporters and encouragers. People to hold me accountable of honoring Christ in my choices and lifestyle. That means doing more than just my job and being more than just my job. It means having authentic relationships, pursuing goals, being kind, being courageous. It means being more active, feeling better about myself, making choices I'm proud of, engaging with people, not being so fearful of intimacy. I want to be surrounded by people who are just, merciful, forgiving, and encourage me to be the same. People who are passionate about the beauty of Jesus and hold me up. People who encourage me to take risks, who are intentional, available, and intimate. People who actively choose kindness and integrity. I need a supportive network of people, especially believers.

[This is sort of a compilation of my own journal entries over the months...]

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