Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Things Got Complicated

So not two weeks ago did I have my potential plan all laid out. But these last two weeks have been a whirlwind of events that are shifting everything and things have gotten complicated really quickly.

I had an interview today. I wasn't looking for it, I didn't apply for it (well I did), it just kind of happened.

Basically, I was told to apply for this job (in KS) and I kind of waved it off. Then I was asked again and then a third time, so I finally applied, got called for an interview and had the interview today.

Because many people read this and I don't know anymore who still does or doesn't, I can't put too much here. Like my pro/con list if I were offered. I may not even be offered it. But there are some major pros and really major cons.

But I need to hash it out with someone.

Here's the other complication. There's a boy who is kind of persuading me to stay in this area.
And that's a new thing. That very, very, very few people know about. Two people, to be exact.

So if you talk to my family, it'd be great if you let me be the one to tell them about anything and not you..I've never really not told my family things since like middle school, it's been a long time since I've gotten this...anxious about telling them things. And it's not for bad reasons that I'm keeping it. It's just...

They have been banking on me being back in AZ for a long time. My dad writes me letters every week telling me he's counting down the days. My mom leaves voicemails. And I love them. And I miss them and I really miss AZ. And I know I will be breaking their hearts if I even am considering staying here. And my brother, I love him, but he's got too much going on with his own life for me to try to ask him for advice.

So I'm kind of postponing it until I have a better idea. But maybe they would prefer it if I talked to them now about it? I don't know. I told my mom this would happen--that if they kept only talking about AZ and me being there, it would likely affect my ability to discuss things with them..

Way too many decisions. I liked it better when I had the freedom to do anything I wanted and could go anywhere. Didn't feel tied down. Here's a fun song that I always think of with "tie me down".

I just want to grow and not get stuck.
I want to figure things out with this boy.

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