Wisdom

Tonight at church, we started a new series about wisdom and I realized that my "being different" is me having wisdom. What I was frustrated with God about was Him giving me wisdom, making me prudent, and me following it. The last song we sang was "Touch of Heaven" by Hillsong. I couldn't sing it at Church because I had to repent and come into His holy presence. Into his gentle, inviting, loving, kind, patient, and holy, wise presence. 

You have all my attention, I will linger and listen

All I want is to live within your love, be undone by who you are, my desire is to know you deeper

Lord, I know my heart wants more of you...so I surrender all

Proverbs 8

Does not wisdom call out? (v. 1)

Listen, for I have trustworthy things to say; I open my lips to speak what is right. My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness. All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse. To the discerning all of them are right; they are upright to those who have found knowledge. Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold, for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her. (v. 6-11)

Nothing I desire can compare to the wisdom of God. Nothing is better than walking with Jesus. Stay prudent, stay wise, stay discerning. Know God, know yourself, know your true friends, know God's word, and know trouble is always ahead. So you must stay the course. Wisdom is better than any riches, more precious than rubies. It's worth it and it's right. God is holy and I actively choose the path of righteousness, of wisdom, of holiness. 

Being Different

There’s a song that has a line that says “I want to be different” and I hate it. I actually DON’T want to be different. I don’t want to be unique. I don’t want to stand out. Yet, as a Christian, I’m called to be holy. And sometimes that’s great. More often though, I don’t like it. 

I’ve been irritated at God plenty of times and ask Him why can’t I do x, y, z? How come everyone else gets to? Why can’t I be more like these people? And I remember one time so patiently and clearly how he responded: Because you listen. Because you listen and you keep my commandments. 

But God! They’re having fun. They at least got to leave you for a little bit and then came back, why can’t I do that? Because you listen. 

But I don’t want to be compliant. It’s not compliance, it’s love. You love me. 

Yeah, but so do other people. My heart is always for people. Keep abiding in me, I’m your source of comfort and of light, and of love. 

I know. But other people get that from you AND the world. You cannot serve two masters. 

They don’t have two masters. But they have love and comfort and friendship and fun here. Why can’t I? Do you need it? No, but I don’t like being different. You’re called to be different. I know… Is it okay that I’m sad and sometimes mad and oftentimes feeling left out because I choose you above all else? Yeah…but remember your joy comes from me alone. And do you really believe you don’t have love and comfort and friendship and fun? I know sometimes it feels that way, but you know it’s not true. You know I don’t withhold good things. You know my peace and my love is perfect. You know you’re my beloved. You know that I’m always for you and I’m always with you. You know you’re loved by people. You know I’ve never let you go unloved. What about fun? Ash, it’s such a lie that you’re boring. It’s such a lie. It’s such a lie that the world is more fun and better. It’s such a lie that I’m withholding from you. It’s such a lie that you’re not fun or not good enough. You are my daughter whom I created, who I love, who obeys me, who listens to me, and whom I’m never ever ever letting go of. You’re my fun, joyous, kind, loving, beautiful, earnest, wonderful creation. You’re so loved.