Weirdly Honest

Even though I've been (somewhat) open here about my struggles, I haven't really been very open in "real life".

The other day, I told someone about my struggles in my faith. They responded with love and empathy and compassion and kindness. They also admitted that it was kind of weird for them, because I was one of the strongest Christians they knew. I really appreciated that honesty. I appreciated him saying that he sort of struggled with the idea that I was struggling. It was hard for him to wrap his mind around it. Believe me, it's been hard for me to wrap my mind around it too.

I don't remember exactly how he worded this question, but he then essentially asked me how my actions had been affected. I laughed because he wasn't the only person to ask me this. The people who I've engaged in real conversations about this have all asked me similar questions. I assured him my actions hadn't changed and I was "still making 'good' decisions". I think he was torn between believing me and..not so much.

One of the hardest parts about admitting my struggles is knowing that it's going to be just as weird to the people I talk to about it as it is for me. Every single person has this surprised look on their face and in their tone of voice. It's a look/tone that I appreciate, because I know that shows where and who I was.