Being a Real Grown Up

I've learned something--adults don't have it all together. That is a profound thing for me. For awhile, that actually made me really uneasy. I didn't like that people didn't have a clear direction or still struggled with things. I didn't feel more at ease because "real adults", people in my life who I respected and revered and were legitimate adults, didn't know everything. It has taken me a long time to be "okay" with that, actually.

For most people, it does put them at ease that there are other people, particularly people who are older/wiser/etc, who are also struggling. I'm probably part of a small minority (maybe even by my lonesome) who was not comforted by that. I think I was so uneasy, because that really scared me. The idea that I would always struggle, that I would always want to give in to the "id", that I probably won't have it all together when I'm done with school really scared me.

Secretly, I was hoping that as soon as I graduated college/finished, as soon as I found an actual career, as soon as I either had a family or had my own legitimate life, suddenly life would be good. Not that my life is not good right now, it is. But, in the sense that I wouldn't be worried about things--life would be figured out...I would have it all together.

So hearing that people didn't have it all together scared me and made me uneasy. But, if you noticed that language in most of this, it was past tense. Because, I'm a little more okay with it now and actually do find it slightly comforting that adults don't have it all together.

Being a real grown up doesn't mean you have it all together. Arguably, being a real grown up means being willing to say you don't have it all together.