Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I Moved

I just moved 1,200 miles away from the state I grew up in. I drove for three days and had a grand ol' time. I didn't really get bored, I didn't really think about things. I just sang, laughed, got trucks to honk, and drove. It wasn't until the second or third day that I got to my destination, four or five days later from me starting my journey, when everything hit me. I realized that I had just moved. I moved to a a new state, with no job, almost no money, no friends, no concept of the people or the community...And I had a major breakdown.

But I had no one to cry to, to tell these things too, to hug. I didn't know what to do. I was afraid to call people back home because I was afraid they would just think I was complaining. Which, I was, but not to be negative, but I was hurting. I was, and still am, deeply hurting. I called my mom and she told me, "You just went through a traumatic, traumatic, life changing event. You have to allow yourself time to grieve. You've never been good with change, so it's going to take time. And that's okay."

She was right. I hadn't allowed myself to grieve. I hadn't allowed myself to really reflect on what I did. Grieving about my move doesn't mean I regret it or that it was a bad choice. It just means that I left some incredible things and incredible people behind. I left really wonderful relationships and one of the best jobs ever. I'm scared.

People keep telling me that things will get better, and I know they're right. But I want things to be better now. I want real friends right here, right now. I hate that I have to "rebuild" relationships. I hate that I have to essentially start my life all over.

This cool guy who I knew at NAU wrote this article for Relevant magazine that was encouraging: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/how-move-new-city

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