Saturday, May 30, 2015

Role Clarity

I'm wide awake, draw me close, stirred by grace
All fear removed, I breathe you in and lean into your love

I'm not always good about extending grace to people. I like labels, I like boxes, I like role clarity. This past week, I've been really focused on role clarity. I was feeling off and my supervisor asked if I felt supported and I sat and thought and said, you know...I don't actually. And we talked about what I wasn't getting and they've responded really well.

One of my issues was role clarity. I was unclear of my role when it seemed to overlap with others. Our job descriptions started to bleed into each other and I was unsure. I needed role clarity, I needed to know what my job was, what was expected of me, what was not expected of me, and to clearly know what parts are actually unclear.

I have also realized that this extends to my personal life, not just my professional life. I need role clarity. I need to know my role in other people's lives. I want to know if I'm just another person, a friend, a good friend, a confidant, a best friend, a sister, a student, a daughter, an acquaintance. I am, for the most part, fine once I know my role. Even if I don't like my role. But I need to know my role and I struggle when I don't know who I am to someone.

But life is messy and relationships are messy and I can't always get role clarity and a label and a box like I want. And I get frustrated and lack grace. Because I'm messy, too.

But I can be confident, right now, in my role with Jesus. That right now, I can just lean into his love. And I can breathe here. And I can be sure in that. And that's enough. 

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