Like a Tug Boat?

Tuesday was a great day. It was seriously awesome. Tonight (er, Tuesday night), something happened though.

I was confronted with my sin. The Holy Spirit tugged at me and said, "Yo, Ash...that thing that you just did like 20 minutes ago..that wasn't right. In fact, there are about 4 different things that were wrong about what just happened..one being ignoring me until you were out of the situation."

Oops.

I was in my room when I really talked with God. I love my room because it's just...safe. When I was in my room, I really listened to the Holy Spirit and even though I was confronted with my sin and brokenness, I still felt mercy rushing over me.

I serve a God of love, mercy, and grace. A God who is just, who doesn't let me get away with my sin, who says, "My dear daughter, oh how I love you, no matter what". Wow.

And instead of saying: "Whatever God, I had to do it. I couldn't do what you're asking me to do. I still love you...just because I'm not ALWAYS obedient doesn't mean I'm not usually disobedient. Just because I am like Peter right now doesn't really mean anything. Tonight didn't mean anything. It'll be fine."




I had to decide...

Do I really want to be like Jesus? Do I really want Him as my role model? Do I really want to be a radical disciple, no matter the cost?

These may seem like easy things to answer. On the surface, they are. On the surface, it seems like any Christian would say, "Well, duh". But when we get to the core, the real root and meaning of these questions. That's not how I answer. I'm answering with hesitation. I'm answering with shame. I'm answering with a wavery voice, unsure. I want to be bold. I want to answer with confidence. I want to answer without hesitation. I want to say, Heck yes, absolutely, no doubt about it.

Before you start questioning my faith in Christ, realize that these are hard questions to answer. Realize that our lives drastically change when we become radical disciples. Sometimes, our lives can SUCK when we stand up for Christ. Am I willing to risk it? I think so. But it's hard. 

I then turned off all the lights in my room, except for a small lamp, turned on worship music and sang out loud in my room.

Here's the deal. I screw up. A lot. I mess up over and over and over again. That was always something I KNEW, but I didn't understand. How do I mess up? In what ways do I screw up often? Do I really disobey that God all that often? Am I really a sinner? I needed concrete answers. And tonight I got them. But that led to a beautiful thing and wonderful worship time.

I didn't let this upset my relationship with God. I didn't let this be the beginning of excuses. I didn't let this ruin my day. I didn't let the devil win. My Jesus is victorious over sin. All sin. My sin. Your sin. He is victorious and He forgives.

Christ followers, let's stop messing around. Let's stop holding back. Let's stop treating Jesus like He's not our role model. And when we fall, when we start answering those questions with a big fat "NO", we can be comforted in the fact that we can be forgiven. And we are still the redeemed. And we will have another opportunity to speak boldly about Christ.