Thursday, November 18, 2010

Purpose of Marriage

Have you ever asked an engaged couple why they are getting married? Or asked someone, "Why do you want to marry him/her?" Chances are some of the most common responses were:

  • "Because I love them."
  • "Because I couldn't live without them."
  • "They give me purpose, my life would have no meaning without this person."
  • "Because I couldn't imagine life without them."
I'm sure there are a dozen other responses, but those are generally the answers I get. Before I continue, let me make it clear that those (for the most part) aren't bad things. And that I definitely do love marriage and agree that your partner needs to be someone you're going to enjoy spending the rest of your life with and that you do need to love them. But let's really look at these. 
  • "Because I love them."
    • How do you love them? 
    • What if things get rocky?
    • What if that feeling of intense emotion diminishes? 
    • What if they get angry at you or you get angry at them?
  • "Because I couldn't live without them."
    • The idea of being needed and needing others is huge. 
    • Ties in with next two points. 
  • "They give me purpose, my life would have no meaning without this person."
    • People are great. Marriage is great. Husbands and wives are great. What marriage can do to and for a person is great. But I think there's more to life than just our spouse. Scary, I know.
  • "Because I couldn't imagine life without them."
    • It would probably suck. But are you finding your complete worth in this person?
In that book Redeeming Love, it made this point: "I won't be enough for you. I don't want to be the center of your life. I want to be part of it. I want to be your husband, not your god. People can't always be there for you, no matter how much they want to be" (p. 316).

I want to focus solely on Christian marriages. Because they are to represent Christ and this is the most applicable...

In this most simplistic way of saying this, I don't that marriage should have anything to do with yourself. I think entering into a relationship with the idea of "I need them. I have no drive without them" is a bad start. I so believe that the purpose of marriage is to further the Kingdom of Christ as a couple. Not for any other reason. Yes, I'll love my husband. Yes, I will want to spend my life with him. But he won't be my source of purpose. Rather, he should remind me of that source--Jesus. Marriage should be a representation of our marriage as a Church to Christ. I really think that we are here on earth for no other reason other than to be ambassadors of the Lord. And that marriage is a gift that you can use to impact the world in a different way. Paul said he was given the gift of singleness. You all who are single--that's okay. It's good! You can do so much. You all who are married--that's good too. You two, as a couple, can do so much as well. 

Let's check out that quote again and really digest it. Particularly the part about being the husband, not a god. I think oftentimes we become so centered on our significant other that they supersede anything and everything. That our significant other becomes the thing we literally worship. That we seek to only please them. That we make our entire lives about that person. That's not okay. And if you are about to get into a relationship or marriage where you're husband/wife disagrees with that quote, that idea, or they promise you that they will always be enough for you and vice versa. Be weary. Because we cannot find our worth in our husbands. Or wives. Or families. Or friends. Or any human being. Our worth needs to be found in God. And He can make you feel so much more worthy than any person. Even your husband. Wife. Family. Best friends. People let you down. You let people down. It sucks. It's not always that they want to. We just do. We fall short. But God doesn't. Read that again. God doesn't fall short. Ever. He is always there for you. Let Him be in every part of your life. 

And let your marriage glorify God. That's how it will thrive. 

1 comment:

  1. I love that you have already figured this out!!! I'll add one more precarious reason to your list -- because he/she makes me happy.
    :) MsJ