Wednesday, September 18, 2013

A Compromise of Sorts

I thought a lot this weekend about withdrawing. Because the truth is I won't do well this semester. I can't really do things. My brain doesn't function how it should right now. I'm not doing well.

I decided I would stay in school, so long as I do two things.

Today, my field instructor sent me home. She said I couldn't drive, so she drove me home in the middle of the day. Because I wasn't doing well. My speech was off again. I was walking funny. She said it's like I've had 4 drinks. That really is how it is. It's like I'm doing everything as if I were pretty tipsy. That's how my reaction times are, my words sound, my brain moves.

Yesterday, I had a doctor appointment. She is so kind. And I think both she (PCP) and mTBI doctor are on the same page in that, professionally, they don't think I should do school. But on a personal level, I think they get where I'm coming from and are willing to let me do it. She reminded me though that no one would fault me for withdrawing. No one would say, "Why weren't you able to handle it?". And she said she was more than willing to write any medical note for anything. She would talk to the school if she needed to.

The doctors are on my side and I love them for that. They're trying their hardest to get me better. And for me to do my part is probably to not be in school. But since I can't bring myself to do that, I'm going to try to do other things.

They wanted to give me a handicap permit, but I don't think I meet the legal requirements and would feel weird with one, so I have to have a special parking permit on campus to park close, because I can't walk a long time.

Both of the doctors have come to the conclusion that should I keep my current schedule, I will be battling this the entire semester. I'm only on week 4 and I'm already really struggling.

And I have to stay on my medicine for a long time now. One of them was extended for 6 months, but the hope is I don't have to take it that long. 


  1. You know what you need to do. Is this it?

  2. If the doctors write a request for a handicap permit, you meet the legal requirement. There are going to be some days when just shortening the distance to your car by a few spaces will feel like a remarkable gift. Allow them to give you the permit. You don't have to use it every day.

    I'm so glad you have people in your life who will drive you home! Your field instructor sounds awesome.

    It's true that no one else will fault you for withdrawing. But I hear you faulting yourself for even thinking about it. What would our friend Brene' say about that? ;)

    Love you