Sunday, July 24, 2011

Broken Stupidity

My uncle has a saying that has become a staple within all of our family: "You can't fix stupid." If someone in the family does something dumb, it's asked, "What are you, stupid?" My dad often tells me that I can't work with stupid people, because I get too frustrated when people are just being stupid. Just like I get fed up with lazy Christians, I am set off my rocker by stupid people.

Now, I know everyone has their moments of stupidity, but I'm not talking about moments. I'm talking about living life in a stupid way. Constantly making stupid decisions. Constantly getting stuck not due so much to bummer situations, but due to being stupid.

I was indirectly challenged to think about people not in terms of how driven they are or how bright they are, but based on how broken they are. Sometimes, people aren't stupid--they're broken.

I'm pretty black and white and see little grey. There is right and there is wrong, there is yes and there is no, there is being accomplished not being accomplished. When I view marriage, I think the same way--you stay married or you don't.

I was talking to someone the other day and they totally changed my view on divorce rates. I didn't know it was possible for anyone to affect my views on this as much in the way that this one conversation did. (I don't think that was proper grammar, but whatever, roll with it.)

In the matter of marital counseling, so often people don't go to counseling because they foresee an issue, rather they go when they are at the breaking point. If there is a cliff, they wouldn't be just near the edge--they would be right on the edge. Almost to the point of no turning back.

Here's essentially a list that this person gave me that I had already known about, but didn't truly think about--Things that make marriage easier:

  1. Couple has a family history lacking divorces
  2. God (religion)
  3. Not married young
  4. Support system
  5. (I think there was more, but I don't really remember...)

When you take even one of those things out, that couple has it tough. And so often, a lot of couples don't have any of those things going for them. Out of those 4 things that I could remember, a lot of marriages have zero.

It's no wonder that the divorce rate is the way it is. It's no wonder that people don't go to counseling until it's almost too late. I thought it was due to stupidity or lack of trying. After that conversation, I'm thinking it's maybe more due to brokenness. By the time a couple goes to counseling, there is usually much hurt and anger and frustration and fear and issues to unravel and dig through, that divorce often wins.

I'm not saying I understand it or that I get it. Nor am I saying that divorce is okay. I don't totally understand why people wait to go to counseling, yet I do sort of understand. I don't totally understand how all of this hurt builds and builds and is never confronted, yet I sort of do. People are so, so broken.

More and more I'm starting to see that now. That these people need to feel that overwhelming grace. Because the feeling of being confronted by your brokenness and then having an abundant amount of grace and love cover it, it truly overwhelming.

If this were a paper that I turned in, it would receive a poor grade because there is little organization...and it doesn't really have a precise point...and the conclusion was virtually non-existent... Whoops. 

1 comment:

  1. I learned so much when my marriage was broken! It was a horrible time, but was a necessary part of my growth and something that I'm truly grateful for. It was the most difficult blessing I've ever experienced.

    Now when I hear about friends having tough times in their marriages, I try my best to offer non-judgmental support and love to them both.